Андрей Алексеев
The Way to myself
The inner master
At times, I still struggle keeping the level of maintaining my inner self as level and solid as I’m used to, which I’ve got already used to. Though, now, thanks to spiritual practices, meditation and yoga, I know how to recover, cleanse, and fill myself with the energy needed fast. And I’ve found another pattern: the more I give, the more stable and strong I become.
I have regained the material-spiritual balance in my life. Now in material things, events and circumstances, I can see the spirit and thin ties connecting everything together-the unity of the world in its diversity. I see it clearly that my mission is not in India, trips, or searching for different paths. My mission is to live in my home land, in Novosibirsk: this is where I can, and must do something helpful for people, and give them everything I know and do everything I can.
That’s precisely why I take part in seminars and other public events often these days: that gives me an opportunity to share the experience gained on my journey to myself.
That’s how, after years of anxiety and searching, I started discovering my inner master, who led me by the strings of fate all this time. Now I don’t need to look for other people’s answers. I ask myself how I can do something in the best way, and receive an immediate answer through feelings, thoughts, and senses. Today I know, that calmness, love and joy shouldn’t be looked for. Everybody has them – they’re inside.
Although, that shift was difficult to make, I found out that it’s possible through my own experience. A man can move from the state of being deep inside the material world, through situations of absolute despair, spiritual and moral crises and achieve inner and outer harmony.
I moved towards myself, to my true heart, by different paths. I made mistakes, got into dead ends, lost my path, lost and regained the meaning of life. And all that for one reason: to be sure I’m living my life, and that it’s only mine.
I got that in time: you shouldn’t sit in the shadow of another person, however great they are. You should find the light inside your own soul, discover your source of sunny, living energy, and shine as only you can.
Right, that wasn’t easy. But my destiny is to become the inner Master for myself. Of course, at first, while your mind is awakening, the Teacher helps you take your first steps, leading you. Gradually, you start doing that on your own. And after that the knowledge comes that the best Master for yourself is you.
The environment where you live and develop is important, too. To go down this path power, determination and will are required. And little by little, going through all the challenges, gathering new knowledge and experience, you’ll find your unique self-sufficient personality. From that moment there is no need to seek for other sources anymore. You are the source for yourself and for others.
Before awakening, the sleeping human mind travels a long distance. Starting from the feeling of a dead end, misunderstanding and confusion, searching and finding your way, you get self-confidence and self-sufficiency. After that, and pretty fast, you’ll get a feeling of inner fullness and stability moving forward. Then, you are close to your step to the next level of consciousness, you know how to live giving and devoting yourself to others.
The main reward for the Master you become, on your path of eternal cognition is that moving forward you open and know yourself in a new way each moment. You develop, become versatile and get a new understanding of everything that there is in the world…
TODAY I KNOW: THERE IS NO END FOR THIS AWARENESS.
Pilot Babagi
With the Teacher in Jakarta
Chapter 2. Family
The story of how I met my future wife is simple. We met first in a nightclub, a friend of mine asked to give some girls a ride home. A week later I happened to bump into her in the street. We went for a walk in the city and had a casual chat. Talking with her was interesting to me. She seemed to be very young, really shy, and humble. Marina was 16 years old back then, while I was already 22.
That meeting didn’t go anywhere. The next time we met was about 5 years later. And by chance again. Once at favorite pizzeria there were no free tables, but the one where Marina was sitting with her friend. We had lunch, chatted about different stuff and, in fact, became acquainted once again. By that time, Marina had started studying at a university in the foreign language department. I asked her for help with my English studies – to find a good teacher for me. That was a good reason to exchange phone numbers!
After that we only communicated for business. However, later on we found some common interests: traveling, feelings, language studies, foreign cultures…
A couple of months later, we got to the next level of our relationships – we started, as it was called back then, becoming friends. Marina had already turned 22 years old when we went traveling together, even though I had to meet her father and promise that everything would be OK with her, putting all the responsibility on myself. It was very surprising for me, but I did everything I could, and we went to Spain.
Our relationship was developing. We were getting used to each other, and half a year after our reacquaintance, I decided to make her a proposal. I chose the same pizzeria and again, our table was the only free one.
No romance! I remember, I started our conversation by proposing to Marina that we should end our current relationship. I meant that the stage of friendship and getting to know each other was coming to its end, and it was time to take the next step, a serious one – to become husband and wife.
However, my phrase came as a shock to her, of course. At that moment the only thing my future wife heard was “… we should end”. Her eyes filled up with tears and I understood: the joke was inappropriate.
We arranged our wedding to take place on October 20th. I still remember that sunny, warm day well…
Looking back at the story of our meeting and relationship – I understand that it’s absolutely common and maybe even trivial. No “love at first sight”, no insights like “That’s it, we’ve found each other…” – Nothing close to that! Moreover, I’m pretty sure that my future wife used to look cautiously at me. Maybe I frightened her by my assertiveness, my character, and audacity. There were no thoughts about a wedding!
We didn’t see each other as the chosen ones, didn’t feel anything special, didn’t make any plans about our possible future, or make up any reasons to meet each other… There was no overthinking in our story, if I can say that. Everything went with the flow, the relationship developed in a natural way. The only thing I understood from the very beginning was that I found all the features I valued and respected in Marina. That meant, there was no need to look for anybody else, as I had the right person next to me.
There were lots of happy occasions in those days: sudden meetings, only free tables – with her at them, and so on. It seemed we were being pushed towards each other. Maybe, that was a higher power, taking care of us. We didn’t think about anything like that those days, of course.
Anyways, the result of that absolutely non-romantic story is over 14 years of happy married life with 5 kids.
Mutual expectations checklist
As many people, as many love stories. One person I know has wanted to get married for as long as I’ve known him. He’s 40 now. I asked him: “What kind of wife do you want?” And he shares a list of different requirements, regarding her appearance, hobbies, skills and thoughts. It might be that this actual checklist makes his view of possible partners narrower. It doesn’t let the Universe take care of him and bring a proper woman to his life.
On the other hand, there is a woman born on the same day who’s ready to do anything for him, and love him for many years! They have been friends for years, but they can’t make it from the “friend” stage to “relationship”, because he thinks that woman doesn’t fit the image he had in his mind. She doesn’t match the criteria he set up for a possible wife.
I look at that story and I think: “Thank God, I didn’t have such a closed mind when I met my future wife!” I just followed the call of my heart and the way which opened in front of me.
I’M SURE THAT BY HAVING MANY EXPECTATIONS AND REQUIREMENTS REGARDING YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE, YOU ARE MAKING THE MOST IMPORTANT MEETING OF YOUR LIFE IMPOSSIBLE.
OR AT LEAST POSTPONING IT FOR MANY YEARS.
None of us is ideal, for sure. Everybody has their personality and habits, specific features and preferences, taste and experience. But just as there is night and day, every minus has its plus to gain rebalance. That’s the way nature cares of us, by teaching us something important through our closest ones.
Become what I want!
The main reasons why a man and a woman need a family – is unity, solidarity, and the opportunity to find and realize different features in themselves. Different people, the ones who find it difficult to be together most of the time, are attracted to each other for that reason. However, it’s only by being together that they can improve and teach each other.
I couldn’t understand that for a long time. Being a natural leader, I tried to rule my wife and change her for a dozen years. In fact, I required: “Become what I want!” What did I get as a result? She either stepped back without any inner changes, giving me an illusion of harmony, or moved away from me. I suppose that’s a natural result for any relationship being built on force.
And only after reaching a crisis, having a huge fight, and living apart for a week, I realized that I don’t build, but just ruin the family by my own stubbornness.
That was a difficult time and it’s hard to think about it for me, but the crisis was exactly what has changed my views on life, and not regarding family life only.
That was the first time after years of being married, when I understood: if I want a happy family, I need to change myself, not others. Thanks to that crisis, I managed to take a frank look at myself, and felt the interest and need to be self aware.
HAD I BEEN MARRIED OR DATED ANOTHER WOMAN, I COULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT. IN FACT, I ONLY MANAGED TO AWAKEN TO CONSCIOUS LIFE BECAUSE OF MY FAMILY.
My parents spent their whole lives together, so personally, family is very important. I’d say it is the most important value in my life.
I devoted the next 3 years to my family, becoming conscious about being a responsible husband and father. Finally, after almost 10 years since our wedding day, I really felt I was a family guy! Before that, I acted as a bachelor, guided by such principles as “I am on my own, you are on your own”, and “do what I told you”. After the crisis, I felt the new taste of family life, saw new sources for development where I used to see a dead end only beforehand.
I then saw any situation in my family life as a challenge, an invitation to learn another life lesson, – and tried to change myself instead of looking for the guilty ones and blaming others.
That was tough. I have to admit that frequently the only thing I wanted was to avoid those challenges. “Why do I need all that? Do whatever you want, live however you want, just don’t touch me!”
And, surely, the easiest solution would be to leave it all and live my own life. But I’m a man, therefore I am responsible for my family, my wife and children. As soon as I realized that the most valuable people, my beloved, once suffered from my mistakes, the need for changes in myself became obvious.
I had to accept the simple truth that changing another person is useless. That was the moment when I made my step to the next level of consciousness. After several years passed, my wife understood that too. Realizing that, we sat next to each other, and started our negotiation: I have my share of responsibility and you have your share as well, and we are ready to take responsibility mutually.
That was my first step towards true family life. We accepted each other as we were and confirmed our responsibilities as well. As our life has already shown that was quite enough to finish our “spousal sparring”.
I’ll give you a hard, but real example. Pretty often our family relationships are either boxing or ignoring each other. Spouses become sparring partners instead of close, intimate people: either you win by knocking me out, or I do. Harmonious unions of two open personalities rarely occurs. Running away from the boxing ring is worthless since your family problems will never go away unless both partners go through the challenge each getting their personal life lesson.
Of course, you can always take another way: choose a “convenient” person from the very beginning, a person with whom everything will be easy. And then what? You don’t build your relationship with a person who’s hard for you, hence you don’t learn anything, don’t grow beyond yourself spiritually, and sooner or later, such family life turns into a swamp.
The more – the worse: over a period of time, the criteria of the best partner changes, and new ones come ahead. So what? Should we look for another spouse then? We didn’t manage to learn to accept another person as they are. Regarding that, building and keeping a family, is presumably, the main self-awareness practice.
THE SECRET OF HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS IS EASY: ACCEPT YOUR CLOSEST ONES AS THEY ARE, WITHOUT TEACHING OR CHANGING THEM. WORK FOR YOUR FAMILY’S PROSPERITY, AND BE A TRUSTWORTHY PARTNER.
However… so far, it’s not easy to follow these rules at times!