Джек Лондон
The Human Drift
NED. [Starting, looking at her queerly.] He.. Billy knows? [LORETTA nods. He debates with himself a moment.] Tell me about it. You must tell me all of it.
LORETTA. [Faintly, as though about to weep again.] All of it?
NED. [Firmly.] Yes, all of it.
LORETTA. [Haltingly.] And.. will.. you.. ever.. forgive.. me?
NED. [Drawing a long, breath, desperately.] Yes, I’ll forgive you. Go ahead.
LORETTA. There was no one to tell me. We were with each other so much. I did not know anything of the world.. then. [Pauses.]
NED. [Impatiently.] Go on.
LORETTA. If I had only known. [Pauses.]
NED. [Biting his lip and clenching his hands.] Yes, yes. Go on.
LORETTA. We were together almost every evening.
NED. [Savagely.] Billy?
LORETTA. Yes, of course, Billy. We were with each other so much.. If I had only known.. There was no one to tell me.. I was so young.. [Breaks down crying.]
NED. [Leaping to his feet, explosively.] The scoundrel!
LORETTA. [Lifting her head.] Billy is not a scoundrel.. He.. he.. is a good man.
NED. [Sarcastically.] I suppose you’ll be telling me next that it was all your fault. [LORETTA nods.] What!
LORETTA. [Steadily.] It was all my fault. I should never have let him. I was to blame.
NED. [Paces up and down for a minute, stops in front of her, and speaks with resignation.] All right. I don’t blame you in the least, Loretta. And you have been very honest. It is.. er.. commendable. But Billy is right, and you are wrong. You must get married.
LORETTA. [In dim, far-away voice.] To Billy?
NED. Yes, to Billy. I’ll see to it. Where does he live? I’ll make him. If he won’t I’ll.. I’ll shoot him!
LORETTA. [Crying out with alarm.] Oh, Ned, you won’t do that?
NED. [Sternly.] I shall.
LORETTA. But I don’t want to marry Billy.
NED. [Sternly.] You must. And Billy must. Do you understand? It is the only thing.
LORETTA. That’s what Billy said.
NED. [Triumphantly.] You see, I am right.
LORETTA. And if.. if I don’t marry him.. there will be.. scandal?
NED. [Calmly.] Yes, there will be scandal.
LORETTA. That’s what Billy said. Oh, I am so unhappy!
[LORETTA breaks down into violent weeping.]
[NED paces grimly up and down, now and again fiercely twisting his moustache.]
LORETTA. [Face buried, sobbing and crying all the time.]
I don’t want to leave Daisy! I don’t want to leave Daisy! What shall I do? What shall I do? How was I to know? He didn’t tell me. Nobody else ever kissed me. [NED stops curiously to listen. As he listens his face brightens.] I never dreamed a kiss could be so terrible.. until.. until he told me. He only told me this morning.
NED. [Abruptly.] Is that what you are crying about?
LORETTA. [Reluctantly.] N-no.
NED. [In hopeless voice, the brightness gone out of his face, about to begin pacing again.] Then what are you crying about?
LORETTA. Because you said I had to marry Billy. I don’t want to marry Billy. I don’t want to leave Daisy. I don’t know what I want. I wish I were dead.
NED. [Nerving himself for another effort.] Now look here, Loretta, be sensible. What is this about kisses? You haven’t told me everything after all.
LORETTA. I.. I don’t want to tell you everything.
NED. [Imperatively.] You must.
LORETTA. [Surrendering.] Well, then.. must I?
NED. You must.
LORETTA. [Floundering.] He.. I.. we.. I let him, and he kissed me.
NED. [Desperately, controlling himself.] Go on.
LORETTA. He says eight, but I can’t think of more than five times.
NED. Yes, go on.
LORETTA. That’s all.
NED. [With vast incredulity.] All?
LORETTA. [Puzzled.] All?
NED. [Awkwardly.] I mean.. er.. nothing worse?
LORETTA. [Puzzled.] Worse? As though there could be. Billy said —
NED. [Interrupting.] When?
LORETTA. This afternoon. Just now. Billy said that my.. our.. our.. our kisses were terrible if we didn’t get married.
NED. What else did he say?
LORETTA. He said that when a woman permitted a man to kiss her she always married him. That it was awful if she didn’t. It was the custom, he said; and I say it is a bad, wicked custom, and it has broken my heart. I shall never be happy again. I know I am terrible, but I can’t help it. I must have been born wicked.
NED. [Absent-mindedly bringing out a cigarette and striking a match.] Do you mind if I smoke? [Coming to himself again, and flinging away match and cigarette.] I beg your pardon. I don’t want to smoke. I didn’t mean that at all. What I mean is.. [He bends over LORETTA, catches her hands in his, then sits on arm of chair, softly puts one arm around her, and is about to kiss her.]
LORETTA. [With horror, repulsing him.] No! No!
NED. [Surprised.] What’s the matter?
LORETTA. [Agitatedly.] Would you make me a wickeder woman than I am?
NED. A kiss?
LORETTA. There will be another scandal. That would make two scandals.
NED. To kiss the woman I love.. a scandal?
LORETTA. Billy loves me, and he said so.
NED. Billy is a joker.. or else he is as innocent as you.
LORETTA. But you said so yourself.
NED. [Taken aback.] I?
LORETTA. Yes, you said it yourself, with your own lips, not ten minutes ago. I shall never believe you again.
NED. [Masterfully putting arm around her and drawing her toward him.] And I am a joker, too, and a very wicked man. Nevertheless, you must trust me. There will be nothing wrong.
LORETTA. [Preparing to yield.] And no.. scandal?
NED. Scandal fiddlesticks. Loretta, I want you to be my wife. [He waits anxiously.]
[JACK HEMINGWAY, in fishing costume, appears in doorway to right and looks on.]
NED. You might say something.
LORETTA. I will.. if.
[ALICE HEMINGWAY appears in doorway to left and looks on.]
NED. [In suspense.] Yes, go on.
LORETTA. If I don’t have to marry Billy.
NED. [Almost shouting.] You can’t marry both of us!
LORETTA. [Sadly, repulsing him with her hands.] Then, Ned, I cannot marry you.
NED. [Dumbfounded.] W-what?
LORETTA. [Sadly.] Because I can’t marry both of you.
NED. Bosh and nonsense!
LORETTA. I’d like to marry you, but.
NED. There is nothing to prevent you.
LORETTA. [With sad conviction.] Oh, yes, there is. You said yourself that I had to marry Billy. You said you would s-s-shoot him if he didn’t.
NED. [Drawing her toward him.] Nevertheless.
LORETTA. [Slightly holding him off.] And it isn’t the custom.. what.. Billy said?
NED. No, it isn’t the custom. Now, Loretta, will you marry me?
LORETTA. [Pouting demurely.] Don’t be angry with me, Ned. [He gathers her into his arms and kisses her. She partially frees herself, gasping.] I wish it were the custom, because now I’d have to marry you, Ned, wouldn’t I?
[NED and LORETTA kiss a second time and profoundly.]
[JACK HEMINGWAY chuckles.]
[NED and LORETTA, startled, but still in each other’s arms, look around. NED looks sillily at ALICE HEMINGWAY. LORETTA looks at JACK HEMINGWAY.]
LORETTA. I don’t care.
CURTAIN
THE BIRTH MARK
SKETCH BY JACK LONDON written for Robert and Julia Fitzsimmons
SCENE – One of the club rooms of the West Bay Athletic Club. Near centre front is a large table covered with newspapers and magazines. At left a punching-bag apparatus. At right, against wall, a desk, on which rests a desk-telephone. Door at rear toward left. On walls are framed pictures of pugilists, conspicuous among which is one of Robert Fitzsimmons. Appropriate furnishings, etc., such as foils, clubs, dumb-bells and trophies.
[Enter MAUD SYLVESTER.]
[She is dressed as a man, in evening clothes, preferably a Tuxedo. In her hand is a card, and under her arm a paper-wrapped parcel. She peeps about curiously and advances to table. She is timorous and excited, elated and at the same time frightened. Her eyes are dancing with excitement.]
MAUD. [Pausing by table.] Not a soul saw me. I wonder where everybody is. And that big brother of mine said I could not get in. [She reads back of card.] “Here is my card, Maudie. If you can use it, go ahead. But you will never get inside the door. I consider my bet as good as won.” [Looking up, triumphantly.] You do, do you? Oh, if you could see your little sister now. Here she is, inside. [Pauses, and looks about.] So this is the West Bay Athletic Club. No women allowed. Well, here I am, if I don’t look like one. [Stretches out one leg and then the other, and looks at them. Leaving card and parcel on table, she struts around like a man, looks at pictures of pugilists on walls, reading aloud their names and making appropriate remarks. But she stops before the portrait of Fitzsimmons and reads aloud.] “Robert Fitzsimmons, the greatest warrior of them all.” [Clasps hands, and looking up at portrait murmurs.] Oh, you dear!
[Continues strutting around, imitating what she considers are a man’s stride and swagger, returns to table and proceeds to unwrap parcel.] Well, I’ll go out like a girl, if I did come in like a man. [Drops wrapping paper on table and holds up a woman’s long automobile cloak and a motor bonnet. Is suddenly startled by sound of approaching footsteps and glances in a frightened way toward door.] Mercy! Here comes somebody now! [Glances about her in alarm, drops cloak and bonnet on floor close to table, seizes a handful of newspapers, and runs to large leather chair to right of table, where she seats herself hurriedly. One paper she holds up before her, hiding her face as she pretends to read. Unfortunately the paper is upside down. The other papers lie on her lap.]
[Enter ROBERT FITZSIMMONS.]
[He looks about, advances to table, takes out cigarette case and is about to select one, when he notices motor cloak and bonnet on floor. He lays cigarette case on table and picks them up. They strike him as profoundly curious things to be in a club room. He looks at MAUD, then sees card on table. He picks it up and reach it to himself, then looks at her with comprehension. Hidden by her newspaper, she sees nothing. He looks at card again and reads and speaks in an aside.]
FITZSIMMONS. “Maudie. John H. Sylvester.” That must be Jack Sylvester’s sister Maud. [FITZSIMMONS shows by his expression that he is going to play a joke. Tossing cloak and bonnet under the table he places card in his vest pocket, selects a chair, sits down, and looks at MAUD. He notes paper is upside down, is hugely tickled, and laughs silently.] Hello! [Newspaper is agitated by slight tremor. He speaks more loudly.] Hello! [Newspaper shakes badly. He speaks very loudly.] Hello!
MAUD. [Peeping at him over top of paper and speaking hesitatingly.] H-h-hello!
FITZSIMMONS. [Gruffly.] You are a queer one, reading a paper upside down.
MAUD. [Lowering newspaper and trying to appear at ease.] It’s quite a trick, isn’t it? I often practise it. I’m real clever at it, you know.
FITZSIMMONS. [Grunts, then adds.] Seems to me I have seen you before.
MAUD. [Glancing quickly from his face to portrait and back again.] Yes, and I know you – You are Robert Fitzsimmons.
FITZSIMMONS. I thought I knew you.
MAUD. Yes, it was out in San Francisco. My people still live there. I’m just – ahem – doing New York.
FITZSIMMONS. But I don’t quite remember the name.
MAUD. Jones – Harry Jones.
FITZSIMMONS. [Hugely delighted, leaping from chair and striding over to her.] Sure. [Slaps her resoundingly on shoulder.]
[She is nearly crushed by the weight of the blow, and at the same time shocked. She scrambles to her feet.]
FITZSIMMONS. Glad to see you, Harry. [He wrings her hand, so that it hurts.] Glad to see you again, Harry. [He continues wringing her hand and pumping her arm.]
MAUD. [Struggling to withdraw her hand and finally succeeding. Her voice is rather faint.] Ye-es, er.. Bob.. er.. glad to see you again. [She looks ruefully at her bruised fingers and sinks into chair. Then, recollecting her part, she crosses her legs in a mannish way.]
FITZSIMMONS. [Crossing to desk at right, against which he leans, facing her.] You were a wild young rascal in those San Francisco days. [Chuckling.] Lord, Lord, how it all comes back to me.
MAUD. [Boastfully.] I was wild – some.
FITZSIMMONS. [Grinning.] I should say! Remember that night I put you to bed?
MAUD. [Forgetting herself, indignantly.] Sir!
FITZSIMMONS. You were.. er.. drunk.
MAUD. I never was!
FITZSIMMONS. Surely you haven’t forgotten that night! You began with dropping champagne bottles out of the club windows on the heads of the people on the sidewalk, and you wound up by assaulting a cabman. And let me tell you I saved you from a good licking right there, and squared it with the police. Don’t you remember?
MAUD. [Nodding hesitatingly.] Yes, it is beginning to come back to me. I was a bit tight that night.
FITZSIMMONS. [Exultantly.] A bit tight! Why, before I could get you to bed you insisted on telling me the story of your life.
MAUD. Did I? I don’t remember that.
FITZSIMMONS. I should say not. You were past remembering anything by that time. You had your arms around my neck —
MAUD. [Interrupting.] Oh!
FITZSIMMONS. And you kept repeating over and over, “Bob, dear Bob.”
MAUD. [Springing to her feet.] Oh! I never did! [Recollecting herself.] Perhaps I must have. I was a trifle wild in those days, I admit. But I’m wise now. I’ve sowed my wild oats and steadied down.
FITZSIMMONS. I’m glad to hear that, Harry. You were tearing off a pretty fast pace in those days. [Pause, in which MAUD nods.] Still punch the bag?
MAUD. [In quick alarm, glancing at punching bag.] No, I’ve got out of the hang of it.
FITZSIMMONS. [Reproachfully.] You haven’t forgotten that right-and-left, arm, elbow and shoulder movement I taught you?
MAUD. [With hesitation.] N-o-o.
FITZSIMMONS. [Moving toward bag to left.] Then, come on.
MAUD. [Rising reluctantly and following.] I’d rather see you punch the bag. I’d just love to.
FITZSIMMONS. I will, afterward. You go to it first.
MAUD. [Eyeing the bag in alarm.] No; you. I’m out of practice.
FITZSIMMONS. [Looking at her sharply.] How many drinks have you had to-night?
MAUD. Not a one. I don’t drink – that is – er – only occasionally.
FITZSIMMONS. [Indicating bag.] Then go to it.
MAUD. No; I tell you I am out of practice. I’ve forgotten it all. You see, I made a discovery.
[Pauses.]
FITZSIMMONS. Yes?
MAUD. I – I – you remember what a light voice I always had – almost soprano?
[FITZSIMMONS nods.]
MAUD. Well, I discovered it was a perfect falsetto.
[FITZSIMMONS nods.]
MAUD. I’ve been practising it ever since. Experts, in another room, would swear it was a woman’s voice. So would you, if you turned your back and I sang.
FITZSIMMONS. [Who has been laughing incredulously, now becomes suspicious.] Look here, kid, I think you are an impostor. You are not Harry Jones at all.
MAUD. I am, too.
FITZSIMMONS. I don’t believe it. He was heavier than you.
MAUD. I had the fever last summer and lost a lot of weight.
FITZSIMMONS. You are the Harry Jones that got sousesd and had to be put to bed?
MAUD. Y-e-s.
FITZSIMMONS. There is one thing I remember very distinctly. Harry Jones had a birth mark on his knee. [He looks at her legs searchingly.]
MAUD. [Embarrassed, then resolving to carry it out.] Yes, right here. [She advances right leg and touches it.]
FITZSIMMONS. [Triumphantly.] Wrong. It was the other knee.
MAUD. I ought to know.
FITZSIMMONS. You haven’t any birth mark at all.
MAUD. I have, too.
FITZSIMMONS. [Suddenly springing to her and attempting to seize her leg.] Then we’ll prove it. Let me see.
MAUD. [In a panic backs away from him and resists his attempts, until grinning in an aside to the audience, he gives over. She, in an aside to audience.] Fancy his wanting to see my birth mark.
FITZSIMMONS. [Bullying.] Then take a go at the bag. [She shakes her head.] You’re not Harry Jones.
MAUD. [Approaching punching bag.] I am, too.
FITZSIMMONS. Then hit it.
MAUD. [Resolving to attempt it, hits bag several nice blows, and then is struck on the nose by it.] Oh!
[Recovering herself and rubbing her nose.] I told you I was out of practice. You punch the bag, Bob.
FITZSIMMONS. I will, if you will show me what you can do with that wonderful soprano voice of yours.
MAUD. I don’t dare. Everybody would think there was a woman in the club.
FITZSIMMONS. [Shaking his head.] No, they won’t. They’ve all gone to the fight. There’s not a soul in the building.
MAUD. [Alarmed, in a weak voice.] Not – a – soul – in – the building?
FITZSIMMONS. Not a soul. Only you and I.
MAUD. [Starting hurriedly toward door.] Then I must go.
FITZSIMMONS. What’s your hurry? Sing.
MAUD. [Turning back with new resolve.] Let me see you punch the bag, – er – Bob.
FITZSIMMONS. You sing first.
MAUD. No; you punch first.
FITZSIMMONS. I don’t believe you are Harry —
MAUD. [Hastily.] All right, I’ll sing. You sit down over there and turn your back.
[FITZSIMMONS obeys.]
[MAUD walks over to the table toward right. She is about to sing, when she notices FITZSIMMONS’ cigarette case, picks it up, and in an aside reads his name on it and speaks.]
MAUD. “Robert Fitzsimmons.” That will prove to my brother that I have been here.
FITZSIMMONS. Hurry up.
[MAUD hastily puts cigarette case in her pocket and begins to sing.]
SONG
[During the song FITZSIMMONS turns his head slowly and looks at her with growing admiration.]
MAUD. How did you like it?
FITZSIMMONS. [Gruffly.] Rotten. Anybody could tell it was a boy’s voice —
MAUD. Oh!
FITZSIMMONS. It is rough and coarse and it cracked on every high note.
MAUD. Oh! Oh!
[Recollecting herself and shrugging her shoulders.] Oh, very well. Now let’s see if you can do any better with the bag.
[FITZSIMMONS takes off coat and gives exhibition.]
[MAUD looks on in an ecstasy of admiration.]
MAUD. [As he finishes.] Beautiful! Beautiful!
[FITZSIMMONS puts on coat and goes over and sits down near table.] Nothing like the bag to limber one up. I feel like a fighting cock. Harry, let’s go out on a toot, you and I.
MAUD. Wh-a-a-t?
FITZSIMMONS. A toot. You know – one of those rip-snorting nights you used to make.
MAUD. [Emphatically, as she picks up newspapers from leather chair, sits down, and places them on her lap.] I’ll do nothing of the sort. I’ve – I’ve reformed.
FITZSIMMONS. You used to joy-ride like the very devil.
MAUD. I know it.
FITZSIMMONS. And you always had a pretty girl or two along.
MAUD. [Boastfully, in mannish, fashion.] Oh, I still have my fling. Do you know any – well, – er, – nice girls?
FITZSIMMONS. Sure.
MAUD. Put me wise.
FITZSIMMONS. Sure. You know Jack Sylvester?
MAUD. [Forgetting herself.] He’s my brother —
FITZSIMMONS. [Exploding.] What!
MAUD. – In-law’s first cousin.
FITZSIMMONS. Oh!
MAUD. So you see I don’t know him very well. I only met him once – at the club. We had a drink together.
FITZSIMMONS. Then you don’t know his sister?
MAUD. [Starting.] His sister? I – I didn’t know he had a sister.
FITZSIMMONS. [Enthusiastically.] She’s a peach. A queen. A little bit of all right. A – a loo-loo.
MAUD. [Flattered.] She is, is she?
FITZSIMMONS. She’s a scream. You ought to get acquainted with her.
MAUD. [Slyly.] You know her, then?
FITZSIMMONS. You bet.
MAUD. [Aside.] Oh, ho! [To FITZSIMMONS.] Know her very well?
FITZSIMMONS. I’ve taken her out more times than I can remember. You’ll like her, I’m sure.
MAUD. Thanks. Tell me some more about her.
FITZSIMMONS. She dresses a bit loud. But you won’t mind that. And whatever you do, don’t take her to eat.
MAUD. [Hiding her chagrin.] Why not?
FITZSIMMONS. I never saw such an appetite —
MAUD. Oh!
FITZSIMMONS. It’s fair sickening. She must have a tapeworm. And she thinks she can sing.
MAUD. Yes?
FITZSIMMONS. Rotten. You can do better yourself, and that’s not saying much. She’s a nice girl, really she is, but she is the black sheep of the family. Funny, isn’t it?
MAUD. [Weak voice.] Yes, funny.
FITZSIMMONS. Her brother Jack is all right. But he can’t do anything with her. She’s a – a —
MAUD. [Grimly.] Yes. Go on.
FITZSIMMONS. A holy terror. She ought to be in a reform school.
MAUD. [Springing to her feet and slamming newspapers in his face.] Oh! Oh! Oh! You liar! She isn’t anything of the sort!
FITZSIMMONS. [Recovering from the onslaught and making believe he is angry, advancing threateningly on her.] Now I’m going to put a head on you. You young hoodlum.
MAUD. [All alarm and contrition, backing away from him.] Don’t! Please don’t! I’m sorry! I apologise. I – I beg your pardon, Bob. Only I don’t like to hear girls talked about that way, even – even if it is true. And you ought to know.
FITZSIMMONS. [Subsiding and resuming seat.] You’ve changed a lot, I must say.
MAUD. [Sitting down in leather chair.] I told you I’d reformed. Let us talk about something else. Why is it girls like prize-fighters? I should think – ahem – I mean it seems to me that girls would think prize-fighters horrid.
FITZSIMMONS. They are men.
MAUD. But there is so much crookedness in the game. One hears about it all the time.
FITZSIMMONS. There are crooked men in every business and profession. The best fighters are not crooked.
MAUD. I – er – I thought they all faked fights when there was enough in it.
FITZSIMMONS. Not the best ones.
MAUD. Did you – er – ever fake a fight?
FITZSIMMONS. [Looking at her sharply, then speaking solemnly.] Yes. Once.
MAUD. [Shocked, speaking sadly.] And I always heard of you and thought of you as the one clean champion who never faked.
FITZSIMMONS. [Gently and seriously.] Let me tell you about it. It was down in Australia. I had just begun to fight my way up. It was with old Bill Hobart out at Rushcutters Bay. I threw the fight to him.
MAUD. [Repelled, disgusted.] Oh! I could not have believed it of you.
FITZSIMMONS. Let me tell you about it. Bill was an old fighter. Not an old man, you know, but he’d been in the fighting game a long time. He was about thirty-eight and a gamer man never entered the ring. But he was in hard luck. Younger fighters were coming up, and he was being crowded out. At that time it wasn’t often he got a fight and the purses were small. Besides it was a drought year in Australia. You don’t know what that means. It means that the rangers are starved. It means that the sheep are starved and die by the millions. It means that there is no money and no work, and that the men and women and kiddies starve.
Bill Hobart had a missus and three kids and at the time of his fight with me they were all starving. They did not have enough to eat. Do you understand? They did not have enough to eat. And Bill did not have enough to eat. He trained on an empty stomach, which is no way to train you’ll admit. During that drought year there was little enough money in the ring, but he had failed to get any fights. He had worked at long-shoring, ditch-digging, coal-shovelling – anything, to keep the life in the missus and the kiddies. The trouble was the jobs didn’t hold out. And there he was, matched to fight with me, behind in his rent, a tough old chopping-block, but weak from lack of food. If he did not win the fight, the landlord was going to put them into the street.
MAUD. But why would you want to fight with him in such weak condition?
FITZSIMMONS. I did not know. I did not learn till at the ringside just before the fight. It was in the dressing rooms, waiting our turn to go on. Bill came out of his room, ready for the ring. “Bill,” I said – in fun, you know. “Bill, I’ve got to do you to-night.” He said nothing, but he looked at me with the saddest and most pitiful face I have ever seen. He went back into his dressing room and sat down.
“Poor Bill!” one of my seconds said. “He’s been fair starving these last weeks. And I’ve got it straight, the landlord chucks him out if he loses to-night.”
Then the call came and we went into the ring. Bill was desperate. He fought like a tiger, a madman. He was fair crazy. He was fighting for more than I was fighting for. I was a rising fighter, and I was fighting for the money and the recognition. But Bill was fighting for life – for the life of his loved ones.
Well, condition told. The strength went out of him, and I was fresh as a daisy. “What’s the matter, Bill?” I said to him in a clinch. “You’re weak.” “I ain’t had a bit to eat this day,” he answered. That was all.
By the seventh round he was about all in, hanging on and panting and sobbing for breath in the clinches, and I knew I could put him out any time. I drew back my right for the short-arm jab that would do the business. He knew it was coming, and he was powerless to prevent it.
“For the love of God, Bob,” he said; and – [Pause.]
MAUD. Yes? Yes?
FITZSIMMONS. I held back the blow. We were in a clinch.
“For the love of God, Bob,” he said again, “the misses and the kiddies!”
And right there I saw and knew it all. I saw the hungry children asleep, and the missus sitting up and waiting for Bill to come home, waiting to know whether they were to have food to eat or be thrown out in the street.
“Bill,” I said, in the next clinch, so low only he could hear. “Bill, remember the La Blanche swing. Give it to me, hard.”
We broke away, and he was tottering and groggy. He staggered away and started to whirl the swing. I saw it coming. I made believe I didn’t and started after him in a rush. Biff! It caught me on the jaw, and I went down. I was young and strong. I could eat punishment. I could have got up the first second. But I lay there and let them count me out. And making believe I was still dazed, I let them carry me to my corner and work to bring me to. [Pause.]
Well, I faked that fight.
MAUD. [Springing to him and shaking his hand.] Thank God! Oh! You are a man! A – a – a hero!
FITZSIMMONS. [Dryly, feeling in his pocket.] Let’s have a smoke. [He fails to find cigarette case.]
MAUD. I can’t tell you how glad I am you told me that.
FITZSIMMONS. [Gruffly.] Forget it. [He looks on table, and fails to find cigarette case. Looks at her suspiciously, then crosses to desk at right and reaches for telephone.]
MAUD. [Curiously.] What are you going to do?
FITZSIMMONS. Call the police.
MAUD. What for?
FITZSIMMONS. For you.
MAUD. For me?
FITZSIMMONS. You are not Harry Jones. And not only are you an impostor, but you are a thief.
MAUD. [Indignantly.] How dare you?
FITZSIMMONS. You have stolen my cigarette case.
MAUD. [Remembering and taken aback, pulls out cigarette case.] Here it is.
FITZSIMMONS. Too late. It won’t save you. This club must be kept respectable. Thieves cannot be tolerated.
MAUD. [Growing alarm.] But you won’t have me arrested?
FITZSIMMONS. I certainly will.
MAUD. [Pleadingly.] Please! Please!
FITZSIMMONS. [Obdurately.] I see no reason why I should not.
MAUD. [Hurriedly, in a panic.] I’ll give you a reason – a – a good one. I – I – am not Harry Jones.
FITZSIMMONS. [Grimly.] A good reason in itself to call in the police.
MAUD. That isn’t the reason. I’m – a – Oh! I’m so ashamed.
FITZSIMMONS. [Sternly.] I should say you ought to be. [Reaches for telephone receiver.]
MAUD. [In rush of desperation.] Stop! I’m a – I’m a – a girl. There! [Sinks down in chair, burying her face in her hands.]
[FITZSIMMONS, hanging up receiver, grunts.]
[MAUD removes hands and looks at him indignantly. As she speaks her indignation grows.]
MAUD. I only wanted your cigarette case to prove to my brother that I had been here. I – I’m Maud Sylvester, and you never took me out once. And I’m not a black sheep. And I don’t dress loudly, and I haven’t a – a tapeworm.
FITZSIMMONS. [Grinning and pulling out card from vest pocket.] I knew you were Miss Sylvester all the time.
MAUD. Oh! You brute! I’ll never speak to you again.
FITZSIMMONS. [Gently.] You’ll let me see you safely out of here.
MAUD. [Relenting.] Ye-e-s. [She rises, crosses to table, and is about to stoop for motor cloak and bonnet, but he forestall her, holds cloak and helps her into it.] Thank you. [She takes off wig, fluffs her own hair becomingly, and puts on bonnet, looking every inch a pretty young girl, ready for an automobile ride.]
FITZSIMMONS. [Who, all the time, watching her transformation, has been growing bashful, now handing her the cigarette case.] Here’s the cigarette case. You may k-k-keep it.
MAUD. [Looking at him, hesitates, then takes it.] I thank you – er – Bob. I shall treasure it all my life. [He is very embarrassed.] Why, I do believe you’re bashful. What is the matter?
FITZSIMMONS. [Stammering.] Why – I – you – You are a girl – and – a – a – deuced pretty one.
MAUD. [Taking his arm, ready to start for door.] But you knew it all along.
FITZSIMMONS. But it’s somehow different now when you’ve got your girl’s clothes on.
MAUD. But you weren’t a bit bashful – or nice, when – you – you – [Blurting it out.] Were so anxious about birth marks.
[They start to make exit.]
CURTAIN
