Джон Голсуорси
Saint's Progress
IX
Edward Pierson, dreaming over an egg at breakfast, opened a letter in a handwriting which he did not recognise.
“V. A. D. Hospital,
“Mulberry Road, St. John’s Wood N. W.
“DEAR COUSIN EDWARD,
“Do you remember me, or have I gone too far into the shades of night? I was Leila Pierson once upon a time, and I often think of you and wonder what you are like now, and what your girls are like. I have been here nearly a year, working for our wounded, and for a year before that was nursing in South Africa. My husband died five years ago out there. Though we haven’t met for I dare not think how long, I should awfully like to see you again. Would you care to come some day and look over my hospital? I have two wards under me; our men are rather dears.
“Your forgotten but still affectionate cousin
“LEILA LYNCH.”
“P. S. I came across a little letter you once wrote me; it brought back old days.”
No! He had not forgotten. There was a reminder in the house. And he looked up at Noel sitting opposite. How like the eyes were! And he thought: ‘I wonder what Leila has become. One mustn’t be uncharitable. That man is dead; she has been nursing two years. She must be greatly changed; I should certainly like to see her. I will go!’ Again he looked at Noel. Only yesterday she had renewed her request to be allowed to begin her training as a nurse.
“I’m going to see a hospital to-day, Nollie,” he said; “if you like, I’ll make enquiries. I’m afraid it’ll mean you have to begin by washing up.”
“I know; anything, so long as I do begin.”
“Very well; I’ll see about it.” And he went back to his egg.
Noel’s voice roused him. “Do you feel the war much, Daddy? Does it hurt you here?” She had put her hand on her heart. “Perhaps it doesn’t, because you live half in the next world, don’t you?”
The words: “God forbid,” sprang to Pierson’s lips; he did not speak them, but put his egg-spoon down, hurt and bewildered. What did the child mean? Not feel the war! He smiled.
“I hope I’m able to help people sometimes, Nollie,” and was conscious that he had answered his own thoughts, not her words. He finished his breakfast quickly, and very soon went out. He crossed the Square, and passed East, down two crowded streets to his church. In the traffic of those streets, all slipshod and confused, his black-clothed figure and grave face, with its Vandyk beard, had a curious remote appearance, like a moving remnant of a past civilisation. He went in by the side door. Only five days he had been away, but they had been so full of emotion that the empty familiar building seemed almost strange to him. He had come there unconsciously, groping for anchorage and guidance in this sudden change of relationship between him and his daughters. He stood by the pale brazen eagle, staring into the chancel. The choir were wanting new hymn-books – he must not forget to order them! His eyes sought the stained-glass window he had put in to the memory of his wife. The sun, too high to slant, was burnishing its base, till it glowed of a deep sherry colour. “In the next world!” What strange words of Noel’s! His eyes caught the glimmer of the organ-pipes; and, mounting to the loft, he began to play soft chords wandering into each other. He finished, and stood gazing down. This space within high walls, under high vaulted roof, where light was toned to a perpetual twilight, broken here and there by a little glow of colour from glass and flowers, metal, and dark wood, was his home, his charge, his refuge. Nothing moved down there, and yet – was not emptiness mysteriously living, the closed-in air imprinted in strange sort, as though the drone of music and voices in prayer and praise clung there still? Had not sanctity a presence? Outside, a barrel-organ drove its tune along; a wagon staggered on the paved street, and the driver shouted to his horses; some distant guns boomed out in practice, and the rolling of wheels on wheels formed a net of sound. But those invading noises were transmuted to a mere murmuring in here; only the silence and the twilight were real to Pierson, standing there, a little black figure in a great empty space.
When he left the church, it was still rather early to go to Leila’s hospital; and, having ordered the new hymn-books, he called in at the house of a parishioner whose son had been killed in France. He found her in her kitchen; an oldish woman who lived by charing. She wiped a seat for the Vicar.
“I was just makin’ meself a cup o’ tea, sir.”
“Ah! What a comfort tea is, Mrs. Soles!” And he sat down, so that she should feel “at home.”
“Yes; it gives me ‘eart-burn; I take eight or ten cups a day, now. I take ‘em strong, too. I don’t seem able to get on without it. I ‘ope the young ladies are well, sir?”
“Very well, thank you. Miss Noel is going to begin nursing, too.”
“Deary-me! She’s very young; but all the young gells are doin’ something these days. I’ve got a niece in munitions-makin’ a pretty penny she is. I’ve been meanin’ to tell you – I don’t come to church now; since my son was killed, I don’t seem to ‘ave the ‘eart to go anywhere – ’aven’t been to a picture-palace these three months. Any excitement starts me cryin’.”
“I know; but you’d find rest in church.”
Mrs. Soles shook her head, and the small twisted bob of her discoloured hair wobbled vaguely.
“I can’t take any recreation,” she said. “I’d rather sit ‘ere, or be at work. My son was a real son to me. This tea’s the only thing that does me any good. I can make you a fresh cup in a minute.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Soles, but I must be getting on. We must all look forward to meeting our beloved again, in God’s mercy. And one of these days soon I shall be seeing you in church, shan’t I.”
Mrs. Soles shifted her weight from one slippered foot to the other.
“Well! let’s ‘ope so,” she said. “But I dunno when I shall ‘ave the spirit. Good day, sir, and thank you kindly for calling, I’m sure.”
Pierson walked away with a very faint smile. Poor queer old soul! – she was no older than himself, but he thought of her as ancient – cut off from her son, like so many – so many; and how good and patient! The melody of an anthem began running in his head. His fingers moved on the air beside him, and he stood still, waiting for an omnibus to take him to St. John’s Wood. A thousand people went by while he was waiting, but he did not notice them, thinking of that anthem, of his daughters, and the mercy of God; and on the top of his ‘bus, when it came along, he looked lonely and apart, though the man beside him was so fat that there was hardly any seat left to sit on. Getting down at Lord’s Cricket-ground, he asked his way of a lady in a nurse’s dress.
“If you’ll come with me,” she said, “I’m just going there.”
“Oh! Do you happen to know a Mrs. Lynch who nurses”
“I am Mrs. Lynch. Why, you’re Edward Pierson!”
He looked into her face, which he had not yet observed.
“Leila!” he said.
“Yes, Leila! How awfully nice of you to come, Edward!”
They continued to stand, searching each for the other’s youth, till she murmured:
“In spite of your beard, I should have known you anywhere!” But she thought: ‘Poor Edward! He is old, and monk-like!’
And Pierson, in answer, murmured:
“You’re very little changed, Leila! We haven’t, seen each other since my youngest girl was born. She’s just a little like you.” But he thought: ‘My Nollie! So much more dewy; poor Leila!’
They walked on, talking of his daughters, till they reached the hospital.
“If you’ll wait here a minute, I’ll take you over my wards.”
She had left him in a bare hall, holding his hat in one hand and touching his gold cross with the other; but she soon came hack, and a little warmth crept about his heart. How works of mercy suited women! She looked so different, so much softer, beneath the white coif, with a white apron over the bluish frock.
At the change in his face, a little warmth crept about Leila, too, just where the bib of her apron stopped; and her eyes slid round at him while they went towards what had once been a billiard-room.
“My men are dears,” she said; “they love to be talked to.”
Under a skylight six beds jutted out from a green distempered wall, opposite to six beds jutting out from another green distempered wall, and from each bed a face was turned towards them young faces, with but little expression in them. A nurse, at the far end, looked round, and went on with her work. The sight of the ward was no more new to Pierson than to anyone else in these days. It was so familiar, indeed, that it had practically no significance. He stood by the first bed, and Leila stood alongside. The man smiled up when she spoke, and did not smile when he spoke, and that again was familiar to him. They passed from bed to bed, with exactly the same result, till she was called away, and he sat down by a young soldier with a long, very narrow head and face, and a heavily bandaged shoulder. Touching the bandage reverently, Pierson said:
“Well, my dear fellow-still bad?”
“Ah!” replied the soldier. “Shrapnel wound: It’s cut the flesh properly.”
“But not the spirit, I can see!”
The young soldier gave him a quaint look, as much as to say: “Not ‘arf bad!” and a gramophone close to the last bed began to play: “God bless Daddy at the war!”
“Are you fond of music?”
“I like it well enough. Passes the time.”
“I’m afraid the time hangs heavy in hospital.”
“Yes; it hangs a bit ‘eavy; it’s just ‘orspital life. I’ve been wounded before, you see. It’s better than bein’ out there. I expect I’ll lose the proper use o’ this arm. I don’t worry; I’ll get my discharge.”
“You’ve got some good nurses here.”
“Yes; I like Mrs. Lynch; she’s the lady I like.”
“My cousin.”
“I see you come in together. I see everything ‘ere. I think a lot, too. Passes the time.”
“Do they let you smoke?”
“Oh, yes! They let us smoke.”
“Have one of mine?”
The young soldier smiled for the first time. “Thank you; I’ve got plenty.”
The nurse came by, and smiled at Pierson.
“He’s one of our blase ones; been in before, haven’t you, Simson?”
Pierson looked at the young man, whose long, narrow face; where one sandy-lashed eyelid drooped just a little, seemed armoured with a sort of limited omniscience. The gramophone had whirred and grunted into “Sidi Brahim.” The nurse passed on.
“‘Seedy Abram,’.rdquo; said the young soldier. “The Frenchies sing it; they takes it up one after the other, ye know.”
“Ah!” murmured Pierson; “it’s pretty.” And his fingers drummed on the counterpane, for the tune was new to him. Something seemed to move in the young man’s face, as if a blind had been drawn up a little.
“I don’t mind France,” he said abruptly; “I don’t mind the shells and that; but I can’t stick the mud. There’s a lot o’ wounded die in the mud; can’t get up – smothered.” His unwounded arm made a restless movement. “I was nearly smothered myself. Just managed to keep me nose up.”
Pierson shuddered. “Thank God you did!”
“Yes; I didn’t like that. I told Mrs. Lynch about that one day when I had the fever. She’s a nice lady; she’s seen a lot of us boys: That mud’s not right, you know.” And again his unwounded arm made that restless movement; while the gramophone struck up: “The boys in brown.” The movement of the arm affected Pierson horribly; he rose and, touching the bandaged shoulder, said:
“Good-bye; I hope you’ll soon be quite recovered.”
The young soldier’s lips twisted in the semblance of a smile; his drooped eyelid seemed to try and raise itself.
“Good day, sir,” he said; “and thank you.”
Pierson went back to the hall. The sunlight fell in a pool just inside the open door, and an uncontrollable impulse made him move into it, so that it warmed him up to the waist. The mud! How ugly life was! Life and Death! Both ugly! Poor boys! Poor boys!
A voice behind him said:
“Oh! There you are, Edward! Would you like to see the other ward, or shall I show you our kitchen?”
Pierson took her hand impulsively. “You’re doing a noble work, Leila. I wanted to ask you: Could you arrange for Noel to come and get trained here? She wants to begin at once. The fact is, a boy she is attracted to has just gone out to the Front.”
“Ah!” murmured Leila, and her eyes looked very soft. “Poor child! We shall be wanting an extra hand next week. I’ll see if she could come now. I’ll speak to our Matron, and let you know to-night.” She squeezed his hand hard.
“Dear Edward, I’m so glad to see you again. You’re the first of our family I’ve seen for sixteen years. I wonder if you’d bring Noel to have supper at my flat to-night – Just nothing to eat, you know! It’s a tiny place. There’s a Captain Fort coming; a nice man.”
Pierson accepted, and as he walked away he thought: ‘Dear Leila! I believe it was Providence. She wants sympathy. She wants to feel the past is the past. How good women are!’
And the sun, blazing suddenly out of a cloud, shone on his black figure and the little gold cross, in the middle of Portland Place.
X
Men, even if they are not artistic, who have been in strange places and known many nooks of the world, get the scenic habit, become open to pictorial sensation. It was as a picture or series of pictures that Jimmy Fort ever afterwards remembered his first supper at Leila’s. He happened to have been all day in the open, motoring about to horse farms under a hot sun; and Leila’s hock cup possessed a bland and subtle strength. The scenic sense derived therefrom had a certain poignancy, the more so because the tall child whom he met there did not drink it, and her father seemed but to wet his lips, so that Leila and he had all the rest. Rather a wonderful little scene it made in his mind, very warm, glowing, yet with a strange dark sharpness to it, which came perhaps from the black walls.
The flat had belonged to an artist who was at the war. It was but a pocket dwelling on the third floor. The two windows of the little square sitting-room looked out on some trees and a church. But Leila, who hated dining by daylight, had soon drawn curtains of a deep blue over them. The picture which Fort remembered was this: A little four-square table of dark wood, with a Chinese mat of vivid blue in the centre, whereon stood a silver lustre bowl of clove carnations; some greenish glasses with hock cup in them; on his left, Leila in a low lilac frock, her neck and shoulders very white, her face a little powdered, her eyes large, her lips smiling; opposite him a black-clothed padre with a little gold cross, over whose thin darkish face, with its grave pointed beard, passed little gentle smiles, but whose deep sunk grey eyes were burnt and bright; on his right, a girl in a high grey frock, almost white, just hollowed at the neck, with full sleeves to the elbow, so that her slim arms escaped; her short fair hair a little tumbled; her big grey eyes grave; her full lips shaping with a strange daintiness round every word – and they not many; brilliant red shades over golden lights dotting the black walls; a blue divan; a little black piano flush with the wall; a dark polished floor; four Japanese prints; a white ceiling. He was conscious that his own khaki spoiled something as curious and rare as some old Chinese tea-chest. He even remembered what they ate; lobster; cold pigeon pie; asparagus; St. Ivel cheese; raspberries and cream. He did not remember half so well what they talked of, except that he himself told them stories of the Boer War, in which he had served in the Yeomanry, and while he was telling them, the girl, like a child listening to a fairy-tale, never moved her eyes from his face. He remembered that after supper they all smoked cigarettes, even the tall child, after the padre had said to her mildly, “My dear!” and she had answered: “I simply must, Daddy, just one.” He remembered Leila brewing Turkish coffee – very good, and how beautiful her white arms looked, hovering about the cups. He remembered her making the padre sit down at the piano, and play to them. And she and the girl on the divan together, side by side, a strange contrast; with just as strange a likeness to each other. He always remembered how fine and rare that music sounded in the little room, flooding him with a dreamy beatitude. Then – he remembered – Leila sang, the padre standing-by; and the tall child on the divan bending forward over her knees, with her chin on her hands. He remembered rather vividly how Leila turned her neck and looked up, now at the padre, now at himself; and, all through, the delightful sense of colour and warmth, a sort of glamour over all the evening; and the lingering pressure of Leila’s hand when he said good-bye and they went away, for they all went together. He remembered talking a great deal to the padre in the cab, about the public school they had both been at, and thinking: ‘It’s a good padre – this!’ He remembered how their taxi took them to an old Square which he did not know, where the garden trees looked densely black in the starshine. He remembered that a man outside the house had engaged the padre in earnest talk, while the tall child and himself stood in the open doorway, where the hall beyond was dark. Very exactly he remembered the little conversation which then took place between them, while they waited for her father.
“Is it very horrid in the trenches, Captain Fort?”
“Yes, Miss Pierson; it is very horrid, as a rule.”
“Is it dangerous all the time?”
“Pretty well.”
“Do officers run more risks than the men?”
“Not unless there’s an attack.”
“Are there attacks very often?”
It had seemed to him so strangely primitive a little catechism, that he had smiled. And, though it was so dark, she had seen that smile, for her face went proud and close all of a sudden. He had cursed himself, and said gently:
“Have you a brother out there?”
She shook her head.
“But someone?”
“Yes.”
Someone! He had heard that answer with a little shock. This child – this fairy princess of a child already to have someone! He wondered if she went about asking everyone these questions, with that someone in her thoughts. Poor child! And quickly he said:
“After all, look at me! I was out there a year, and here I am with only half a game leg; times were a lot worse, then, too. I often wish I were back there. Anything’s better than London and the War Office.” But just then he saw the padre coming, and took her hand. “Good night, Miss Pierson. Don’t worry. That does no good, and there isn’t half the risk you think.”
Her hand stirred, squeezed his gratefully, as a child’s would squeeze.
“Good night,” she murmured; “thank you awfully.”
And, in the dark cab again, he remembered thinking: ‘Fancy that child! A jolly lucky boy, out there! Too bad! Poor little fairy princess!’
PART II
I
1
To wash up is not an exciting operation. To wash up in August became for Noel a process which taxed her strength and enthusiasm. She combined it with other forms of instruction in the art of nursing, had very little leisure, and in the evenings at home would often fall asleep curled up in a large chintz-covered chair.
George and Gratian had long gone back to their respective hospitals, and she and her father had the house to themselves. She received many letters from Cyril which she carried about with her and read on her way to and from the hospital; and every other day she wrote to him. He was not yet in the firing line; his letters were descriptive of his men, his food, or the natives, or reminiscent of Kestrel; hers descriptive of washing up, or reminiscent of Kestrel. But in both there was always some little word of the longing within them.
It was towards the end of August when she had the letter which said that he had been moved up. From now on he would be in hourly danger! That evening after dinner she did not go to sleep in the chair, but sat under the open window, clenching her hands, and reading “Pride and Prejudice” without understanding a word. While she was so engaged her father came up and said:
“Captain Fort, Nollie. Will you give him some coffee? I’m afraid I must go out.”
When he had gone, Noel looked at her visitor drinking his coffee. He had been out there, too, and he was alive; with only a little limp. The visitor smiled and said:
“What were you thinking about when we came in?”
“Only the war.”
“Any news of him?”
Noel frowned, she hated to show her feelings.
“Yes! he’s gone to the Front. Won’t you have a cigarette?”
“Thanks. Will you?”
“I want one awfully. I think sitting still and waiting is more dreadful than anything in the world.”
“Except, knowing that others are waiting. When I was out there I used to worry horribly over my mother. She was ill at the time. The cruelest thing in war is the anxiety of people about each other – nothing touches that.”
The words exactly summed up Noel’s hourly thought. He said nice things, this man with the long legs and the thin brown bumpy face!
“I wish I were a man,” she said, “I think women have much the worst time in the war. Is your mother old?” But of course she was old why he was old himself!
“She died last Christmas.”
“Oh! I’m so sorry!”
“You lost your mother when you were a babe, didn’t you?”
“Yes. That’s her portrait.” At the end of the room, hanging on a strip of black velvet was a pastel, very faint in colouring, as though faded, of a young woman, with an eager, sweet face, dark eyes, and bent a little forward, as if questioning her painter. Fort went up to it.
“It’s not a bit like you. But she must have been a very sweet woman.”
“It’s a sort of presence in the room. I wish I were like her!”
Fort turned. “No,” he said; “no. Better as you are. It would only have spoiled a complete thing.”
“She was good.”
“And aren’t you?”
“Oh! no. I get a devil.”
“You! Why, you’re out of a fairy-tale!”
“It comes from Daddy – only he doesn’t know, because he’s a perfect saint; but I know he’s had a devil somewhere, or he couldn’t be the saint he is.”
“H’m!” said Fort. “That’s very deep: and I believe it’s true – the saints did have devils.”
“Poor Daddy’s devil has been dead ages. It’s been starved out of him, I think.”
“Does your devil ever get away with you?”
Noel felt her cheeks growing red under his stare, and she turned to the window:
“Yes. It’s a real devil.”
Vividly there had come before her the dark Abbey, and the moon balancing over the top of the crumbling wall, and the white owl flying across. And, speaking to the air, she said:
“It makes you do things that you want to do.”
She wondered if he would laugh – it sounded so silly. But he did not.
“And damn the consequences? I know. It’s rather a jolly thing to have.”
Noel shook her head. “Here’s Daddy coming back!”
Fort held out his hand.
“I won’t stay. Good night; and don’t worry too much, will you?”
He kept her hand rather a long time, and gave it a hard squeeze.
Don’t worry! What advice! Ah! if she could see Cyril just for a minute!