LUKA. Oh, it’s all the same to me. Crooks – I don’t mind them, either. For my part there’s no bad flea – they’re all black – and they all jump – .. Well, dearie, show me where I can stow myself.
NATASHA [pointing to kitchen door] Go in there, grand-dad.
LUKA. Thanks, girlie! One place is like another – as long as an old fellow keeps warm, he keeps happy.
PEPEL. What an amusing old codger you brought in, Natasha!
NATASHA. A hanged sight more interesting than you!.. Andrei, your wife’s in the kitchen with us – come and fetch her after a while.
KLESHTCH. All right – I will.
NATASHA. And be a little more kind to her – you know she won’t last much longer.
KLESHTCH. I know.
NATASHA. Knowing won’t do any good – it’s terrible – dying – don’t you understand?
PEPEL. Well – look at me – I’m not afraid.
NATASHA. Oh – you’re a wonder, aren’t you?
BUBNOFF [whistling] Oh – this thread’s rotten.
PEPEL. Honestly, I’m not afraid! I’m ready to die right now. Knife me to the heart – and I’ll die without making a sound.. even gladly – from such a pure hand.
NATASHA [going out] Spin that yarn for some one else!
BUBNOFF. Oh – that thread is rotten – rotten —
NATASHA [at hallway door] Don’t forget your wife, Andrei!
KLESHTCH. All right.
PEPEL. She’s a wonderful girl!
BUBNOFF. She’s all right.
PEPEL. What makes her so curt with me? Anyway – she’ll come to no good here.
BUBNOFF. Through you – sure!
PEPEL. Why through me? I feel sorry for her.
BUBNOFF. As the wolf for the lamb!
PEPEL. You lie! I feel very sorry for her.. very.. very sorry! She has a tough life here – I can see that.
KLESHTCH. Just wait till Vassilisa catches you talking to her!
BUBNOFF. Vassilisa? She won’t give up so easily what belongs to her – she’s a cruel woman!
PEPEL [stretching himself on the bunk] You two prophets can go to hell!
KLESHTCH. Just wait – you’ll see!
LUKA [singing in the kitchen] “In the dark of the night the way is black.”
KLESHTCH. Another one who yelps!
PEPEL. It’s dreary! Why do I feel so dreary? You live – and everything seems all right. But suddenly a cold chill goes through you – and then everything gets dreary.
BUBNOFF. Dreary? Hm-hm —
PEPEL. Yes – yes —
LUKA [sings] “The way is black.”
PEPEL. Old fellow! Hey there!
LUKA [looking from kitchen door] You call me?
PEPEL. Yes. Don’t sing!
LUKA [coming in] You don’t like it?
PEPEL. When people sing well I like it —
LUKA. In other words – I don’t sing well?
PEPEL. Evidently!
LUKA. Well, well – and I thought I sang well. That’s always the way: a man imagines there’s one thing he can do well, and suddenly he finds out that other people don’t think so.
PEPEL [laughs] That’s right.
BUBNOFF. First you say you feel dreary – and then you laugh!
PEPEL. None of your business, raven!
LUKA. Who do they say feels dreary?
PEPEL. I do.
[The Baron enters.]
LUKA. Well, well – out there in the kitchen there’s a girl reading and crying! That’s so! Her eyes are wet with tears.. I say to her: “What’s the matter, darling?” And she says: “It’s so sad!” “What’s so sad?” say I. “The book!” says she. – And that’s how people spend their time. Just because they’re bored.
THE BARON. She’s a fool!
PEPEL. Have you had tea, Baron?
THE BARON. Yes. Go on!
PEPEL. Well – want me to open a bottle?
THE BARON. Of course. Go on!
PEPEL. Drop on all fours, and bark like a dog!
THE BARON. Fool! What’s the matter with you? Are you drunk?
PEPEL. Go on – bark a little! It’ll amuse me. You’re an aristocrat. You didn’t even consider us human formerly, did you?
THE BARON. Go on!
PEPEL. Well – and now I am making you bark like a dog – and you will bark, won’t you?
THE BARON. All right. I will. You jackass! What pleasure can you derive from it since I myself know that I have sunk almost lower than you. You should have made me drop on all fours in the days when I was still above you.
BUBNOFF. That’s right.
LUKA. I say so, too!
BUBNOFF. What’s over, is over. Remain only trivialities. We know no class distinctions here. We’ve shed all pride and self-respect. Blood and bone – man – just plain man – that’s what we are!
LUKA. In other words, we’re all equal.. and you, friend, were you really a Baron?
THE BARON. Who are you? A ghost?
LUKA [laughing] I’ve seen counts and princes in my day – this is the first time I meet a baron – and one who’s decaying – at that!
PEPEL [laughing] Baron, I blush for you!
THE BARON. It’s time you knew better, Vassily.
LUKA. Hey-hey – I look at you, brothers – the life you’re leading.
BUBNOFF. Such a life! As soon as the sun rises, our voices rise, too – in quarrels!
THE BARON. We’ve all seen better days – yes! I used to wake up in the morning and drink my coffee in bed – coffee – with cream! Yes —
LUKA. And yet we’re all human beings. Pretend all you want to, put on all the airs you wish, but man you were born, and man you must die. And as I watch I see that the wiser people get, the busier they get – and though from bad to worse, they still strive to improve – stubbornly —
THE BARON. Who are you, old fellow? Where do you come from?
LUKA. I?
THE BARON. Are you a tramp?
LUKA. We’re all of us tramps – why – I’ve heard said that the very earth we walk on is nothing but a tramp in the universe.
THE BARON [severely] Perhaps. But have you a passport?
LUKA [after a short pause] And what are you – a police inspector?
PEPEL [delighted] You scored, old fellow! Well, Barosha, you got it this time!
BUBNOFF. Yes – our little aristocrat got his!
THE BARON [embarrassed] What’s the matter? I was only joking, old man. Why, brother, I haven’t a passport, either.
BUBNOFF. You lie!
THE BARON. Oh – well – I have some sort of papers – but they have no value —
LUKA. They’re papers just the same – and no papers are any good —
PEPEL. Baron – come on to the saloon with me —
THE BARON. I’m ready. Good-bye, old man – you old scamp —
LUKA. Maybe I am one, brother —
PEPEL [near doorway] Come on – come on!
[Leaves, Baron following him quickly.]
LUKA. Was he really once a Baron?
BUBNOFF. Who knows? A gentleman – ? Yes. That much he’s even now. Occasionally it sticks out. He never got rid of the habit.
LUKA. Nobility is like small-pox. A man may get over it – but it leaves marks.
BUBNOFF. He’s all right all the same – occasionally he kicks – as he did about your passport.
[Alyoshka comes in, slightly drunk, with a concertina in his hand, whistling.]
ALYOSHKA. Hey there, lodgers!
BUBNOFF. What are you yelling for?
ALYOSHKA. Excuse me – I beg your pardon! I’m a well-bred man —
BUBNOFF. On a spree again?
ALYOSHKA. Right you are! A moment ago Medyakin, the precinct captain, threw me out of the police station and said: “Look here – I don’t want as much as a smell of you to stay in the streets – d’you hear?” I’m a man of principles, and the boss croaks at me – and what’s a boss anyway – pah! – it’s all bosh – the boss is a drunkard. I don’t make any demands on life. I want nothing – that’s all. Offer me one ruble, offer me twenty – it doesn’t affect me. [Nastya comes from the kitchen] Offer me a million – I won’t take it! And to think that I, a respectable man, should be ordered about by a pal of mine – and he a drunkard! I won’t have it – I won’t!
[Nastya stands in the doorway, shaking her head at Alyoshka.]
LUKA [good-naturedly] Well, boy, you’re a bit confused —
BUBNOFF. Aren’t men fools!
ALYOSHKA [stretches out on the floor] Here, eat me up alive – and I don’t want anything. I’m a desperate man. Show me one better! Why am I worse than others? There! Medyakin said: “If you show yourself on the streets I smash your face!” And yet I shall go out – I’ll go – and stretch out in the middle of the street – let them choke me – I don’t want a thing!
NASTYA. Poor fellow – only a boy – and he’s already putting on such airs —
ALYOSHKA [kneeling before her] Lady! Mademoiselle! Parlez français – ? Prix courrant? I’m on a spree —
NASTYA [in a loud whisper] Vassilisa!
VASSILISA [opens door quickly; to Alyoshka] You here again?
ALYOSHKA. How do you do – ? Come in – you’re welcome —
VASSILISA. I told you, young puppy, that not a shadow of you should stick around here – and you’re back – eh?
ALYOSHKA. Vassilisa Karpovna.. shall I tune up a funeral march for you?
VASSILISA [seizing him by the shoulders] Get out!
ALYOSHKA [moving towards the door] Wait – you can’t put me out this way! I learned this funeral march a little while ago! It’s refreshing music.. wait – you can’t put me out like that!
VASSILISA. I’ll show whether I can or not. I’ll rouse the whole street against you – you foul-mouthed creature – you’re too young to bark about me —
ALYOSHKA [running out] All right – I’ll go —
VASSILISA. Look out – I’ll get you yet!
ALYOSHKA [opens the door and shouts] Vassilisa Karpovna – I’m not afraid of you – [Hides]
[Luka laughs.]
VASSILISA. Who are you?
LUKA. A passer-by – a traveler.
VASSILISA. Stopping for the night or going to stay here?
LUKA. I’ll see.
VASSILISA. Have you a passport?
LUKA. Yes.
VASSILISA. Give it to me.
LUKA. I’ll bring it over to your house —
VASSILISA. Call yourself a traveler? If you’d say a tramp – that would be nearer the truth —
LUKA [sighing] You’re not very kindly, mother!
[Vassilisa goes to door that leads to Pepel’s room, Alyoshka pokes his head through the kitchen door.]
ALYOSHKA. Has she left?
VASSILISA [turning around] Are you still here?
[Alyoshka disappears, whistling. Nastya and Luka laugh.]
BUBNOFF [to Vassilisa] He isn’t here —
VASSILISA. Who?
BUBNOFF. Vaska.
VASSILISA. Did I ask you about him?
BUBNOFF. I noticed you were looking around —
VASSILISA. I am looking to see if things are in order, you see? Why aren’t the floors swept yet? How often did I give orders to keep the house clean?
BUBNOFF. It’s the actor’s turn to sweep —
VASSILISA. Never mind whose turn it is! If the health inspector comes and fines me, I’ll throw out the lot of you —
BUBNOFF [calmly] Then how are you going to earn your living?
VASSILISA. I don’t want a speck of dirt! [Goes to kitchen; to Nastya] What are you hanging round here for? Why’s your face all swollen up? Why are you standing there like a dummy? Go on – sweep the floor! Did you see Natalia? Was she here?
NASTYA. I don’t know – I haven’t seen her.
VASSILISA. Bubnoff! Was my sister here?
BUBNOFF. She brought him along.
VASSILISA. That one – was he home?
BUBNOFF. Vassily? Yes – Natalia was here talking to Kleshtch —
VASSILISA. I’m not asking you whom she talked to. Dirt everywhere – filth – oh, you swine! Mop it all up – do you hear? [Exit rapidly]
BUBNOFF. What a savage beast she is!
LUKA. She’s a lady that means business!
NASTYA. You grow to be an animal, leading such a life – any human being tied to such a husband as hers.
BUBNOFF. Well – that tie isn’t worrying her any —
LUKA. Does she always have these fits?
BUBNOFF. Always. You see, she came to find her lover – but he isn’t home —
LUKA. I guess she was hurt. Oh-ho! Everybody is trying to be boss – and is threatening everybody else with all kinds of punishment – and still there’s no order in life.. and no cleanliness —
BUBNOFF. All the world likes order – but some people’s brains aren’t fit for it. All the same – the room should be swept – Nastya – you ought to get busy!
NASTYA. Oh, certainly? Anything else? Think I’m your servant? [Silence] I’m going to get drunk to-night – dead-drunk!
BUBNOFF. Fine business!
LUKA. Why do you want to get drunk, girlie? A while ago you were crying – and now you say you’ll get drunk —
NASTYA [defiantly] I’ll drink – then I cry again – that’s all there’s to it!
BUBNOFF. That’s nothing!
LUKA. But for what reason – tell me! Every pimple has a cause! [Nastya remains silent, shaking her head] Oh – you men – what’s to become of you? All right – I’ll sweep the place. Where’s your broom?
BUBNOFF. Behind the door – in the hall —
[Luka goes into the hall.]
Nastinka!
NASTYA. Yes?
BUBNOFF. Why did Vassilisa jump on Alyoshka?
NASTYA. He told her that Vaska was tired of her and was going to get rid of her – and that he’s going to make up to Natasha – I’ll go away from here – I’ll find another lodging-house —
BUBNOFF. Why? Where?
NASTYA. I’m sick of this – I’m not wanted here!
BUBNOFF [calmly] You’re not wanted anywhere – and, anyway, all people on earth are superfluous —
[Nastya shakes her head. Rises and slowly, quietly, leaves the cellar. Miedviedieff comes in. Luka, with the broom, follows him.]
MIEDVIEDIEFF. I don’t think I know you —
LUKA. How about the others – d’you know them all?
MIEDVIEDIEFF. I must know everybody in my precinct. But I don’t know you.
LUKA. That’s because, uncle, the whole world can’t stow itself away in your precinct – some of it was bound to remain outside.. [Goes into kitchen]
MIEDVIEDIEFF [crosses to Bubnoff] It’s true – my precinct is rather small – yet it’s worse than any of the very largest. Just now, before getting off duty, I had to bring Alyoshka, the shoemaker, to the station house. Just imagine – there he was, stretched right in the middle of the street, playing his concertina and yelping: “I want nothing, nothing!” Horses going past all the time – and with all the traffic going on, he could easily have been run over – and so on! He’s a wild youngster – so I just collared him – he likes to make mischief —
BUBNOFF. Coming to play checkers to-night?
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Yes – I’ll come – how’s Vaska?
BUBNOFF. Same as ever —
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Meaning – he’s getting along – ?
BUBNOFF. Why shouldn’t he? He’s able to get along all right.
MIEDVIEDIEFF [doubtfully] Why shouldn’t he? [Luka goes into hallway, carrying a pail] M-yes – there’s a lot of talk about Vaska. Haven’t you heard?
BUBNOFF. I hear all sorts of gossip.
MIEDVIEDIEFF. There seems to have been some sort of talk concerning Vassilisa. Haven’t you heard about it?
BUBNOFF. What?
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Oh – why – generally speaking. Perhaps you know – and lie. Everybody knows – [Severely] You mustn’t lie, brother!
BUBNOFF. Why should I lie?
MIEDVIEDIEFF. That’s right. Dogs! They say that Vaska and Vassilisa.. but what’s that to me? I’m not her father. I’m her uncle. Why should they ridicule me? [Kvashnya comes in] What are people coming to? They laugh at everything. Aha – you here?
KVASHNYA. Well – my love-sick garrison – ? Bubnoff! He came up to me again on the marketplace and started pestering me about marrying him.
BUBNOFF. Go to it! Why not? He has money and he’s still a husky fellow.
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Me – ? I should say so!
KVASHNYA. You ruffian! Don’t you dare touch my sore spot! I’ve gone through it once already, darling. Marriage to a woman is just like jumping through a hole in the ice in winter. You do it once, and you remember it the rest of your life.
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Wait! There are different breeds of husbands.
KVASHNYA. But there’s only one of me! When my beloved husband kicked the bucket, I spent the whole day all by my lonely – just bursting with joy. I sat and simply couldn’t believe it was true..
MIEDVIEDIEFF. If your husband beat you without cause, you should have complained to the police.
KVASHNYA. I complained to God for eight years – and he didn’t help.
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Nowadays the law forbids to beat your wife.. all is very strict these days – there’s law and order everywhere. You can’t beat up people without due cause. If you beat them to maintain discipline – all right.
LUKA [comes in with Anna] Well – we finally managed to get here after all. Oh, you! Why do you, weak as you are, walk about alone? Where’s your bunk?
ANNA [pointing] Thank you, grand-dad.
KVASHNYA. There – she’s married – look at her!
LUKA. The little woman is in very bad shape.. she was creeping along the hallway, clinging to the wall and moaning – why do you leave her by herself?
KVASHNYA. Oh, pure carelessness on our part, little father – forgive us! Her maid, it appears, went out for a walk.
LUKA. Go on – poke fun at me.. but, all the same, how can you neglect a human being like that? No matter who or what, every human life has its worth.
MIEDVIEDIEFF. There should be supervision! Suppose she died suddenly – ? That would cause a lot of bother.. we must look after her!
LUKA. True, sergeant!
MIEDVIEDIEFF. Well – yes – though I’m not a sergeant – ah – yet!
LUKA. No! But you carry yourself most martially!
[Noise of shuffling feet is heard in the hallway. Muffled cries.]
MIEDVIEDIEFF. What now – a row?
BUBNOFF. Sounds like it?
KVASHNYA. I’ll go and see.
MIEDVIEDIEFF. I’ll go, too. It is my duty! Why separate people when they fight? They’ll stop sooner or later of their own accord. One gets tired of fighting. Why not let them fight all they want to – freely? They wouldn’t fight half as often – if they’d remember former beatings.
BUBNOFF [climbing down from his bunk] Why don’t you speak to your superiors about it?
KOSTILYOFF [throws open the door and shouts] Abram! Come quick – Vassilisa is killing Natasha – come quick!
[Kvashnya, Miedviedieff, and Bubnoff rush into hallway; Luka looks after them, shaking his head.]
ANNA. Oh God – poor little Natasha.
LUKA. Who’s fighting out there?
ANNA. Our landladies – they’re sisters.
LUKA [crossing to Anna] Why?
ANNA. Oh – for no reason – except that they’re both fat and healthy.
LUKA. What’s your name?
ANNA. Anna.. I look at you.. you’re like my father – my dear father.. you’re as gentle as he was – and as soft..
LUKA. Soft! Yes! They pounded me till I got soft! [Laughs tremulously]