Мольер (Жан-Батист Поклен)
The Blunderer
SCENE III. – CELIA, LELIO, MASCARILLE
LEL. Ah! madam, what obligations do I owe to Heaven for allowing me to behold those celestial charms you are blest with! Whatever sufferings your eyes may have caused me, I cannot but take delight in gazing on them in this place.
CEL. My heart, which has good reason to be astonished at your speech, does not wish my eyes to injure any one; if they have offended you in anything, I can assure you I did not intend it.
LEL. Oh! no, their glances are too pleasing to do me an injury. I count it my chief glory to cherish the wounds they give me; and…
MASC. You are soaring rather too high; this style is by no means what we want now; let us make better use of our time; let us know of her quickly what…
TRUF. (Within). Celia!
MASC. (To Lelio). Well, what do you think now?
LEL. O cruel mischance! What business has this wretched old man to interrupt us!
MASC. Go, withdraw, I'll find something to say to him.
SCENE IV. – TRUFALDIN, CELIA, MASCARILLE, and LELIO in a corner
TRUF. (To Celia). What are you doing out of doors? And what induces you to go out, – you, whom I have forbidden to speak to any one?
CEL. I was formerly acquainted with this respectable young man; you have no occasion to be suspicious of him.
MASC. Is this Signor Trufaldin?
CEL. Yes, it is himself.
MASC. Sir, I am wholly yours; it gives me extreme pleasure to have this opportunity of paying my most humble respects to a gentleman who is everywhere so highly spoken of.
TRUF. Your most humble servant.
MASC. Perhaps I am troublesome, but I have been acquainted with this young woman elsewhere; and as I heard about the great skill she has in predicting the future, I wished to consult her about a certain affair.
TRUF. What! Do you dabble in the black art?
CEL. No, sir, my skill lies entirely in the white.
[Footnote: The white art (magie blanche) only dealt with beneficent spirits, and wished to do good to mankind; the black art (magie noire) invoked evil spirits.]
MASC. The case is this. The master whom I serve languishes for a fair lady who has captivated him. He would gladly disclose the passion which burns within him to the beauteous object whom he adores, but a dragon that guards this rare treasure, in spite of all his attempts, has hitherto prevented him. And what torments him still more and makes him miserable, is that he has just discovered a formidable rival; so that I have come to consult you to know whether his love is likely to meet with any success, being well assured that from your mouth I may learn truly the secret which concerns us.
CEL. Under what planet was your master born?
MASC. Under that planet which never alters his love.
CEL. Without asking you to name the object he sighs for, the science which I possess gives me sufficient information. This young woman is high-spirited, and knows how to preserve a noble pride in the midst of adversity; she is not inclined to declare too freely the secret sentiments of her heart. But I know them as well as herself, and am going with a more composed mind to unfold them all to you, in a few words.
MASC. O wonderful power of magic virtue!
CEL. If your master is really constant in his affections, and if virtue alone prompts him, let him be under no apprehension of sighing in vain: he has reason to hope, the fortress he wishes to take is not averse to capitulation, but rather inclined to surrender.
MASC. That's something, but then the fortress depends upon a governor whom it is hard to gain over.
CEL. There lies the difficulty.
MASC. (Aside, looking at Lelio). The deuce take this troublesome fellow, who is always watching us.
CEL. I am going to teach you what you ought to do.
LEL. (Joining them). Mr. Trufaldin, give yourself no farther uneasiness; it was purely in obedience to my orders that this trusty servant came to visit you; I dispatched him to offer you my services, and to speak to you concerning this young lady, whose liberty I am willing to purchase before long, provided we two can agree about the terms.
MASC. (Aside). Plague take the ass!
TRUF. Ho! ho! Which of the two am I to believe? This story contradicts the former very much.
MASC. Sir, this gentleman is a little bit wrong in the upper story: did you not know it?
TRUF. I know what I know, and begin to smell a rat. Get you in (to Celia), and never take such a liberty again. As for you two, arrant rogues, or I am much mistaken, if you wish to deceive me again, let your stories be a little more in harmony.
SCENE V. – LELIO, MASCARILLE
MASC. He is quite right. To speak plainly, I wish he had given us both a sound cudgelling. What was the good of showing yourself, and, like a Blunderer, coming and giving the lie to all that I had been saying?
LEL. I thought I did right.
MASC. To be sure. But this action ought not to surprise me. You possess so many counterplots that your freaks no longer astonish anybody.
LEL. Good Heavens! How I am scolded for nothing! Is the harm so great that it cannot be remedied? However, if you cannot place Celia in my hands, you may at least contrive to frustrate all Leander's schemes, so that he cannot purchase this fair one before me. But lest my presence should be further mischievous, I leave you.
MASC. (Alone). Very well. To say the truth, money would be a sure and staunch agent in our cause; but as this mainspring is lacking, we must employ some other means.
SCENE VI. – ANSELMO, MASCARILLE
ANS. Upon my word, this is a strange age we live in; I am ashamed of it; there was never such a fondness for money, and never so much difficulty in getting one's own. Notwithstanding all the care a person may take, debts now-a-days are like children, begot with pleasure, but brought forth with pain. It is pleasant for money to come into our purse; but when the time comes that we have to give it back, then the pangs of labour seize us. Enough of this, it is no trifle to receive at last two thousand francs which have been owing upwards of two years. What luck!
MASC. (Aside). Good Heavens! What fine game to shoot flying! Hist, let me see if I cannot wheedle him a little. I know with what speeches to soothe him. (Joining him). Anselmo I have just seen…
ANS. Who, prithee?
MASC. Your Nerina.
ANS. What does the cruel fair one say about me?
MASC. Say? that she is passionately fond of you.
ANS. Is she?
MASC. She loves you so that I very much pity her.
ANS. How happy you make me!
MASC. The poor thing is nearly dying with love. "Oh, my dearest Anselmo," she cries every minute, "when shall marriage unite our two hearts? When will you vouchsafe to extinguish my flames?"
ANS. But why has she hitherto concealed this from me? Girls, in troth, are great dissemblers! Mascarille, what do you say, really? Though in years, yet I look still well enough to please the eye.
MASC. Yes, truly, that face of yours is still very passable; if it is not of the handsomest in the world, it is very agreeable. [Footnote: The original has a play on words which cannot be translated, as, ce visage est encore fort mettable…s'il n'est pas des plus beaux, il est des agreables; which two last words, according to pronunciation, can also mean disagreeable. This has been often imitated in French. After the Legion of Honour was instituted in France in 1804, some of the wits of the time asked the Imperialists: etes-vous des honores?]
ANS. So that…
MASC. (Endeavouring to take the purse). So that she dotes on you; and regards you no longer…
ANS. What?
MASC. But as a husband: and fully intends…
ANS. And fully intends…?
MASC. And fully intends, whatever may happen, to steal your purse…
ANS. To steal…?
MASC. (Taking the purse, and letting it fall to the ground). To steal a kiss from your mouth.
[Footnote: There is here again, in the original, a play on the words bourse, purse, and bouche, mouth, which cannot be rendered in English.]
ANS. Ah! I understand you. Come hither! The next time you see her, be sure to say as many fine things of me as possible.
MASC. Let me alone.
ANS. Farewell.
MASC. May Heaven guide you!
ANS. (Returning). Hold! I really should have committed a strange piece of folly; and you might justly have accused me of neglect. I engage you to assist me in serving my passion. You bring good tidings, and I do not give you the smallest present to reward your zeal. Here, be sure to remember…
MASC. O, pray, don't.
[Footnote: Compare in Shakspeare's Winter's Tale Autolyeus' answer to Camillo (Act IV., Scene 3), who gives him money, "I am a poor fellow, sir, … I cannot with conscience take it."]
ANS. Permit me…
MASC. I won't, indeed: I do not act thus for the sake of money.
ANS. I know you do not. But however…
MASC. No, Anselmo, I will not. I am a man of honour; this offends me.
ANS. Farewell then, Mascarille.
MASC. (Aside). How long-winded he is!
ANS. (Coming back). I wish you to carry a present to the fair object of my desires. I will give you some money to buy her a ring, or any other trifle, as you may think will please her most.
MASC. No, there is no need of your money; without troubling yourself, I will make her a present; a fashionable ring has been left in my hands, which you may pay for afterwards, if it fits her.
ANS. Be it so; give it her in my name; but above all, manage matters in such a manner that she may still desire to make me her own.
SCENE VII. – LELIO, ANSELMO, MASCARILLE
LEL. (Taking up the purse). Whose purse is this?
[Footnote: During the whole of the preceding scene Mascarille has quietly kicked the purse away, so as to be out of sight of Anselmo, intending to pick it up when the latter has gone.]
ANS. Oh Heavens! I dropt it, and might have afterwards believed somebody had picked my pocket. I am very much obliged to you for your kindness, which saves me a great deal of vexation, and restores me my money. I shall go home this minute and get rid of it.
SCENE VIII. – LELIO, MASCARILLE
MASC. Od's death! You have been very obliging, very much so.
LEL. Upon my word! if it had not been for me he would have lost his money.
MASC. Certainly, you do wonders, and show to-day a most exquisite judgment and supreme good fortune. We shall prosper greatly; go on as you have begun.
LEL. What is the matter now? What have I done?
MASC. To speak plainly as you wish me to do, and as I ought, you have acted like a fool. You know very well that your father leaves you without money; that a formidable rival follows us closely; yet for all this, when to oblige you I venture on a trick of which I take all the shame and danger upon myself…
LEL. What? was this…?
MASC. Yes, ninny; it was to release the captive that I was getting the money, whereof your officiousness took care to deprive us.
LEL. If that is the case, I am in the wrong. But who could have imagined it?
MASC. It really required a great deal of discernment.
LEL. You should have made some signs to warn me of what was going on.
MASC. Yes, indeed; I ought to have eyes in my back. By Jove, be quiet, and let us hear no more of your nonsensical excuses. Another, after all this, would perhaps abandon everything; but I have planned just now a master-stroke, which I will immediately put into execution, on condition that if…
[Footnote: The play is supposed to be in Sicily; hence Pagan oaths are not out of place. Even at the present time Italians say, per Jove! per Bacco!]
LEL. No, I promise you henceforth not to interfere either in word or deed.
MASC. Go away, then, the very sight of you kindles my wrath.
LEL. Above all, don't delay, for fear that in this business…
MASC. Once more, I tell you, begone! I will set about it. (Exit Lelio). Let us manage this well; it will be a most exquisite piece of roguery; if it succeeds, as I think it must. We'll try…But here comes the very man I want.
SCENE IX. – PANDOLPHUS, MASCARILLE
PAND. Mascarille!
MASC. Sir?
PAND. To tell you the truth, I am very dissatisfied with my son.
MASC. With my master? You are not the only one who complains of him. His bad conduct which has grown unbearable in everything, puts me each moment out of patience.
PAND. I thought, however, you and he understood one another pretty well.
MASC. I? Believe it not, sir. I am always trying to put him in mind of his duty: we are perpetually at daggers drawn. Just now we had a quarrel again about his engagement with Hippolyta, which, I find he is very averse to. By a most disgraceful refusal he violates all the respect due to a father.
PAND. A quarrel?
MASC. Yes, a quarrel, and a desperate one too.
PAND. I was very much deceived then, for I thought you supported him in all he did.
MASC. I? See what this world is come to! How is innocence always oppressed! If you knew but my integrity, you would give me the additional salary of a tutor, whereas I am only paid as his servant. Yes, you yourself could not say more to him than I do in order to make him behave better. "For goodness' sake, sir," I say to him very often, "cease to be driven hither and thither with every wind that blows, – reform; look what a worthy father Heaven has given you, what a reputation he has. Forbear to stab him thus to the heart, and live, as he does, as a man of honour."
PAND. That was well said; and what answer could he make to this?
MASC. Answer? Why only nonsense, with which he almost drives me mad. Not but that at the bottom of his heart he retains those principles of honour which he derives from you; but reason, at present, does not sway him. If I might be allowed to speak freely, you should soon see him submissive without much trouble.
PAND. Speak out.
MASC. It is a secret which would have serious consequences for me, should it be discovered; but I am quite sure I can confide it to your prudence.
PAND. You are right.
MASC. Know then that your wishes are sacrificed to the love your son has for a certain slave.
PAND. I have been told so before; but to hear it from your mouth pleases me.
MASC. I leave you to judge whether I am his secret confidant…
PAND. I am truly glad of it.
MASC. However, do you wish to bring him back to his duty, without any public scandal? You must… (I am in perpetual fear lest anybody should surprise us. Should he learn what I have told you, I should be a dead man.) You must, as I was saying, to break off this business, secretly purchase this slave, whom he so much idolizes, and send her into another country. Anselmo is very intimate with Trufaldin; let him go and buy her for you this very morning. Then, if you put her into my hands, I know some merchants, and promise you to sell her for the money she costs you, and to send her out of the way in spite of your son. For, if you would have him disposed for matrimony, we must divert this growing passion. Moreover, even if he were resolved to wear the yoke you design for him, yet this other girl might revive his foolish fancy, and prejudice him anew against matrimony.
PAND. Very well argued. I like this advice much. Here comes Anselmo; go, I will do my utmost quickly to obtain possession of this troublesome slave, when I will put her into your hands to finish the rest.
MASC. (Alone). Bravo, I will go and tell my master of this. Long live all knavery, and knaves also!
SCENE X. – HIPPOLYTA, MASCARILLE
HIPP. Ay, traitor, is it thus that you serve me? I overheard all, and have myself been a witness of your treachery. Had I not, could I have suspected this? You are an arrant rogue, and you have deceived me. You promised me, you miscreant, and I expected, that you would assist me in my passion for Leander, that your skill and your management should find means to break off my match with Lelio; that you would free me from my father's project; and yet you are doing quite the contrary. But you will find yourself mistaken. I know a sure method of breaking off the purchase you have been urging Pandolphus to make, and I will go immediately…
MASC. How impetuous you are! You fly into a passion in a moment; without inquiring whether you are right or wrong, you fall foul of me. I am in the wrong, and I ought to make your words true, without finishing what I began, since you abuse me so outrageously.
HIPP. By what illusion do you think to dazzle my eyes, traitor? Can you deny what I have just now heard?
MASC. No; but you must know that all this plotting was only contrived to serve you; that this cunning advice, which appeared so sincere, tends to make both old men fall into the snare; that all the pains I have taken for getting Celia into my hands, through their means, was to secure her for Lelio, and to arrange matters so that Anselmo, in the very height of passion, and finding himself disappointed of his son-in-law, might make choice of Leander.
HIPP. What! This admirable scheme, which has angered me so much, was all for my sake, Mascarille?
MASC. Yes, for your sake; but since I find my good offices meet with so bad a return, – since I have thus to bear your caprices, and as a reward for my services, you come here with a haughty air, and call me knave, cur, and cheat, I shall presently go, correct the mistake I have committed, and undo what I had undertaken to perform.
HIPP. (Holding him.) Nay, do not be so severe upon me, and forgive these outbursts of a sudden passion.
MASC. No, no; let me go. I have it yet in my power to set aside the scheme which offends you so much. Henceforth you shall have no occasion to complain of my zeal. Yes, you shall have my master, I promise you.
HIPP. My good Mascarille, be not in such a passion. I judged you ill; I was wrong; I confess I was. (Pulls out her purse). But I intend to atone for my fault with this. Could you find it in your heart to abandon me thus?
MASC. No, I cannot, do what I will. But your impetuosity was very shocking. Let me tell you that nothing offends a noble mind so much as the smallest imputation upon its honour.
HIPP. It is true; I treated you to some very harsh language, but here are two louis to heal your wounds.
MASC. Oh! all this is nothing. I am very sensitive on this point; but my passion begins to cool a little already. We must bear with the failings of our friends.
HIPP. Can you, then, bring about what I so earnestly wish for? Do you believe your daring projects will be as favourable to my passion as you imagine?
MASC. Do not make yourself uneasy on that account. I have several irons in the fire, and though this stratagem should fail us, what this cannot do, another shall.
HIPP. Depend upon it, Hippolyta will at least not be ungrateful.
MASC. It is not the hope of gain that makes me act.
HIPP. Your master beckons and wishes to speak with you. I will leave you, but remember to do what you can for me.
