Джон Голсуорси
To Let
IX
FAT IN THE FIRE
On reaching home Fleur found an atmosphere so peculiar that it penetrated even the perplexed aura of her own private life. Her mother was in blue stockingette and a brown study; her father in a white felt hat and the vinery. Neither of them had a word to throw to a dog. 'Is it because of me?' thought Fleur. 'Or because of Profond?' To her mother she said:
"What's the matter with Father?"
Her mother answered with a shrug of her shoulders.
To her father:
"What's the matter with Mother?"
Her father answered:
"Matter? What should be the matter?" and gave her a sharp look.
"By the way," murmured Fleur, "Monsieur Profond is going a 'small' voyage on his yacht, to the South Seas."
Soames examined a branch on which no grapes were growing.
"This vine's a failure," he said. "I've had young Mont here. He asked me something about you."
"Oh! How do you like him, Father?"
"He – he's a product – like all these young people."
"What were you at his age, dear?"
Soames smiled grimly.
"We went to work, and didn't play about – flying and motoring, and making love."
"Didn't you ever make love?"
She avoided looking at him while she said that, but she saw him well enough. His pale face had reddened, his eyebrows, where darkness was still mingled with the grey, had come close together.
"I had no time or inclination to philander."
"Perhaps you had a grand passion."
Soames looked at her intently.
"Yes – if you want to know – and much good it did me." He moved away, along by the hot-water pipes. Fleur tiptoed silently after him.
"Tell me about it, Father!"
Soames became very still.
"What should you want to know about such things, at your age?"
"Is she alive?"
He nodded.
"And married?"
"Yes."
"It's Jon Forsyte's mother, isn't it? And she was your wife first."
It was said in a flash of intuition. Surely his opposition came from his anxiety that she should not know of that old wound to his pride. But she was startled. To see some one so old and calm wince as if struck, to hear so sharp a note of pain in his voice!
"Who told you that? If your aunt – ! I can't bear the affair talked of."
"But, darling," said Fleur, softly, "it's so long ago."
"Long ago or not, I – "
Fleur stood stroking his arm.
"I've tried to forget," he said suddenly; "I don't wish to be reminded." And then, as if venting some long and secret irritation, he added: "In these days people don't understand. Grand passion, indeed! No one knows what it is."
"I do," said Fleur, almost in a whisper.
Soames, who had turned his back on her, spun round.
"What are you talking of – a child like you!"
"Perhaps I've inherited it, Father."
"What?"
"For her son, you see."
He was pale as a sheet, and she knew that she was as bad. They stood staring at each other in the steamy heat, redolent of the mushy scent of earth, of potted geranium, and of vines coming along fast.
"This is crazy," said Soames at last, between dry lips.
Scarcely moving her own, she murmured:
"Don't be angry, Father. I can't help it."
But she could see he wasn't angry; only scared, deeply scared.
"I thought that foolishness," he stammered, "was all forgotten."
"Oh, no! It's ten times what it was."
Soames kicked at the hot-water pipe. The hapless movement touched her, who had no fear of her father – none.
"Dearest!" she said: "What must be, must, you know."
"Must!" repeated Soames. "You don't know what you're talking of. Has that boy been told?"
The blood rushed into her cheeks.
"Not yet."
He had turned from her again, and, with one shoulder a little raised, stood staring fixedly at a joint in the pipes.
"It's most distasteful to me," he said suddenly; "nothing could be more so. Son of that fellow – It's – it's – perverse!"
She had noted, almost unconsciously, that he did not say "son of that woman," and again her intuition began working.
Did the ghost of that grand passion linger in some corner of his heart?
She slipped her hand under his arm.
"Jon's father is quite ill and old; I saw him."
"You – ?"
"Yes, I went there with Jon; I saw them both."
"Well, and what did they say to you?"
"Nothing. They were very polite."
"They would be." He resumed his contemplation of the pipe-joint, and then said suddenly: "I must think this over – I'll speak to you again to-night."
She knew this was final for the moment, and stole away, leaving him still looking at the pipe-joint. She wandered into the fruit-garden, among the raspberry and currant bushes, without impetus to pick and eat. Two months ago – she was light-hearted! Even two days ago – light-hearted, before Prosper Profond told her. Now she felt tangled in a web – of passions, vested rights, oppressions and revolts, the ties of love and hate. At this dark moment of discouragement there seemed, even to her hold-fast nature, no way out. How deal with it – how sway and bend things to her will, and get her heart's desire? And, suddenly, round the corner of the high box hedge, she came plump on her mother, walking swiftly, with an open letter in her hand. Her bosom was heaving, her eyes dilated, her cheeks flushed. Instantly Fleur thought: "The yacht! Poor Mother!"
Annette gave her a wide startled look, and said:
"J'ai la migraine."
"I'm awfully sorry, Mother."
"Oh; yes! you and your father – sorry!"
"But, Mother – I am. I know what it feels like."
Annette's startled eyes grew wide, till the whites showed above them. "You innocent!" she said.
Her mother – so self-possessed, and commonsensical – to look and speak like this! It was all frightening! Her father, her mother, herself! And only two months back they had seemed to have everything they wanted in this world.
Annette crumpled the letter in her hand. Fleur knew that she must ignore the sight.
"Can't I do anything for your head, Mother?"
Annette shook that head and walked on, swaying her hips.
'It's cruel,' thought Fleur, 'and I was glad! That man! What do men come prowling for, disturbing everything! I suppose he's tired of her. What business has he to be tired of my mother? What business!' And at that thought, so natural and so peculiar, she uttered a little choked laugh.
She ought, of course, to be delighted, but what was there to be delighted at? Her father didn't really care! Her mother did, perhaps? She entered the orchard, and sat down under a cherry-tree. A breeze sighed in the higher boughs; the sky seen through their green was very blue and very white in cloud – those heavy white clouds almost always present in river landscape. Bees, sheltering out of the wind, hummed softly, and over the lush grass fell the thick shade from those fruit-trees planted by her father five-and-twenty years ago. Birds were almost silent, the cuckoos had ceased to sing, but wood-pigeons were cooing. The breath and drone and cooing of high summer were not for long a sedative to her excited nerves. Crouched over her knees she began to scheme. Her father must be made to back her up. Why should he mind so long as she was happy? She had not lived for nearly nineteen years without knowing that her future was all he really cared about. She had, then, only to convince him that her future could not be happy without Jon. He thought it a mad fancy. How foolish the old were, thinking they could tell what the young felt! Had not he confessed that he – when young – had loved with a grand passion! He ought to understand. 'He piles up his money for me,' she thought; 'but what's the use, if I'm not going to be happy?' Money, and all it bought, did not bring happiness. Love only brought that. The ox-eyed daisies in this orchard, which gave it such a moony look sometimes, grew wild and happy, and had their hour. 'They oughtn't to have called me Fleur,' she mused, 'if they didn't mean me to have my hour, and be happy while it lasts.' Nothing real stood in the way, like poverty, or disease – sentiment only, a ghost from the unhappy past! Jon was right. They wouldn't let you live, these old people! They made mistakes, committed crimes, and wanted their children to go on paying! The breeze died away; midges began to bite. She got up, plucked a piece of honeysuckle, and went in.
It was hot that night. Both she and her mother had put on thin, pale low frocks. The dinner flowers were pale. Fleur was struck with the pale look of everything: her father's face, her mother's shoulders; the pale panelled walls, the pale-grey velvety carpet, the lamp-shade, even the soup was pale. There was not one spot of colour in the room, not even wine in the pale glasses, for no one drank it. What was not pale was black – her father's clothes, the butler's clothes, her retriever stretched out exhausted in the window, the curtains black with a cream pattern. A moth came in, and that was pale. And silent was that half-mourning dinner in the heat.
Her father called her back as she was following her mother out.
She sat down beside him at the table, and, unpinning the pale honeysuckle, put it to her nose.
"I've been thinking," he said.
"Yes, dear?"
"It's extremely painful for me to talk, but there's no help for it. I don't know if you understand how much you are to me – I've never spoken of it, I didn't think it necessary; but – but you're everything. Your mother – " he paused, staring at his finger-bowl of Venetian glass.
"Yes?"
"I've only you to look to. I've never had – never wanted anything else, since you were born."
"I know," Fleur murmured.
Soames moistened his lips.
"You may think this a matter I can smooth over and arrange for you. You're mistaken. I – I'm helpless."
Fleur did not speak.
"Quite apart from my own feelings," went on Soames with more resolution, "those two are not amenable to anything I can say. They – they hate me, as people always hate those whom they have injured."
"But he – Jon – "
"He's their flesh and blood, her only child. Probably he means to her what you mean to me. It's a deadlock."
"No," cried Fleur, "no, Father!"
Soames leaned back, the image of pale patience, as if resolved on the betrayal of no emotion.
"Listen!" he said. "You're putting the feelings of two months – two months – against the feelings of thirty-five years! What chance do you think you have? Two months – your very first love-affair, a matter of half a dozen meetings, a few walks and talks, a few kisses – against, against what you can't imagine, what no one could who hasn't been through it. Come, be reasonable, Fleur! It's midsummer madness!"
Fleur tore the honeysuckle into little, slow bits. "The madness is in letting the past spoil it all. What do we care about the past? It's our lives, not yours."
Soames raised his hand to his forehead, where suddenly she saw moisture shining.
"Whose child are you?" he said. "Whose child is he? The present is linked with the past, the future with both. There's no getting away from that."
She had never heard philosophy pass those lips before. Impressed even in her agitation, she leaned her elbows on the table, her chin on her hands.
"But, Father, consider it practically. We want each other. There's ever so much money, and nothing whatever in the way but sentiment. Let's bury the past, Father."
Soames shook his head. "Impossible!"
"Besides," said Fleur gently, "you can't prevent us."
"I don't suppose," said Soames, "that if left to myself I should try to prevent you; I must put up with things, I know, to keep your affection. But it's not I who control this matter. That's what I want you to realise before it's too late. If you go on thinking you can get your way, and encourage this feeling, the blow will be much heavier when you find you can't."
"Oh!" cried Fleur, "help me, Father; you CAN help me, you know."
Soames made a startled movement of negation.
"I?" he said bitterly. "Help? I am the impediment – the just cause and impediment – isn't that the jargon? You have my blood in your veins."
He rose.
"Well, the fat's in the fire. If you persist in your wilfulness you'll have yourself to blame. Come! Don't be foolish, my child – my only child!"
Fleur laid her forehead against his shoulder.
All was in such turmoil within her. But no good to show it! No good at all! She broke away from him, and went out into the twilight, distraught, but unconvinced. All was indeterminate and vague within her, like the shapes and shadows in the garden, except – her will to have. A poplar pierced up into the dark-blue sky and touched a white star there. The dew wetted her shoes, and chilled her bare shoulders. She went down to the river bank, and stood gazing at a moonstreak on the darkening water. Suddenly she smelled tobacco smoke, and a white figure emerged as if created by the moon. It was young Mont in flannels, standing in his boat. She heard the tiny hiss of his cigarette extinguished in the water.
"Fleur," came his voice, "don't be hard on a poor devil! I've been waiting hours."
"For what?"
"Come in my boat!"
"Not I."
"Why not?"
"I'm not a water-nymph."
"Haven't you ANY romance in you? Don't be modern, Fleur!"
He appeared on the path within a yard of her.
"Go away!"
"Fleur, I love you. Fleur!"
Fleur uttered a short laugh.
"Come again," she said, "when I haven't got my wish."
"What is your wish?"
"Ask another."
"Fleur," said Mont, and his voice sounded strange, "don't mock me! Even vivisected dogs are worth decent treatment before they're cut up for good."
Fleur shook her head; but her lips were trembling.
"Well, you shouldn't make me jump. Give me a cigarette."
Mont gave her one, lighted it, and another for himself.
"I don't want to talk rot," he said, "but please imagine all the rot that all the lovers that ever were have talked, and all my special rot thrown in."
"Thank you, I have imagined it. Good-night!"
They stood for a moment facing each other in the shadow of an acacia-tree with very moonlit blossoms, and the smoke from their cigarettes mingled in the air between them.
"Also ran: 'Michael Mont'?" he said. Fleur turned abruptly towards the house. On the lawn she stopped to look back. Michael Mont was whirling his arms above him; she could see them dashing at his head, then waving at the moonlit blossoms of the acacia. His voice just reached her. "Jolly – jolly!" Fleur shook herself. She couldn't help him, she had too much trouble of her own! On the verandah she stopped very suddenly again. Her mother was sitting in the drawing-room at her writing bureau, quite alone. There was nothing remarkable in the expression of her face except its utter immobility. But she looked desolate! Fleur went up-stairs. At the door of her room she paused. She could hear her father walking up and down, up and down the picture-gallery.
'Yes,' she thought, jolly! Oh, Jon!'
X
DECISION
When Fleur left him Jon stared at the Austrian. She was a thin woman with a dark face and the concerned expression of one who has watched every little good that life once had slip from her, one by one.
"No tea?" she said.
Susceptible to the disappointment in her voice, Jon murmured:
"No, really; thanks."
"A lil cup – it ready. A lil cup and cigarette."
Fleur was gone! Hours of remorse and indecision lay before him! And with a heavy sense of disproportion he smiled, and said:
"Well – thank you!"
She brought in a little pot of tea with two cups, and a silver box of cigarettes on a little tray.
"Sugar? Miss Forsyte has much sugar – she buy my sugar, my friend's sugar also. Miss Forsyte is a veree kind lady. I am happy to serve her. You her brother?"
"Yes," said Jon, beginning to puff the second cigarette of his life.
"Very young brother," said the Austrian, with a little anxious smile, which reminded him of the wag of a dog's tail.
"May I give you some?" he said. "And won't you sit down?"
The Austrian shook her head.
"Your father a very nice man – the most nice old man I ever see. Miss Forsyte tell me all about him. Is he better?"
Her words fell on Jon like a reproach. "Oh! I think he's all right."
"I like to see him again," said the Austrian, putting a hand on her heart; "he have veree kind heart."
"Yes," said Jon. And again her words seemed to him a reproach.
"He never give no trouble to no one, and smile so gentle."
"Yes! doesn't he?"
"He look at Miss Forsyte so funny sometimes. I tell him all my story; he so sympatisch. Your mother – she nice and well?"
"Very."
"He have her photograph on his dressing-table. Veree beautiful."
Jon gulped down his tea. This woman, with her concerned face and her reminding words, was like the first and second murderers.
"Thank you," he said; "I must go now. May – may I leave this with you?"
He put a ten-shilling note on the tray with a doubting hand and gained the door. He heard the Austrian gasp, and hurried out. He had just time to catch his train, and all the way to Victoria looked at every face that passed, as lovers will, hoping against hope. On reaching Worthing he put his luggage into the local train, and set out across the Downs for Wansdon, trying to walk off his aching irresolution. So long as he went full bat, he could enjoy the beauty of those green slopes, stopping now and again to sprawl on the grass, admire the perfection of a wild rose, or listen to a lark's song. But the war of motives within him was but postponed – the longing for Fleur, and the hatred of deception. He came to the old chalk-pit above Wansdon with his mind no more made up than when he started. To see both sides of a question vigorously was at once Jon's strength and weakness. He tramped in, just as the first dinner-bell rang. His things had already been brought up. He had a hurried bath and came down to find Holly alone – Val had gone to Town and would not be back till the last train.
Since Val's advice to him to ask his sister what was the matter between the two families, so much had happened – Fleur's disclosure in the Green Park, her visit to Robin Hill, to-day's meeting – that there seemed nothing to ask. He talked of Spain, his sunstroke, Val's horses, their father's health. Holly startled him by saying that she thought their father not at all well. She had been twice to Robin Hill for the week-end. He had seemed fearfully languid, sometimes even in pain, but had always refused to talk about himself.
"He's awfully dear and unselfish – don't you think, Jon?"
Feeling far from dear and unselfish himself, Jon answered: "Rather!"
"I think, he's been a simply perfect father, so long as I can remember."
"Yes," answered Jon, very subdued.
"He's never interfered, and he's always seemed to understand. I've not forgotten how he let me go out to South Africa in the Boer War when I was in love with Val."
"That was before he married Mother, wasn't it?" said Jon suddenly.
"Yes. Why?"
"Oh! nothing. Only, wasn't she engaged to Fleur's father first?"
Holly put down the spoon she was using, and raised her eyes. Her stare was circumspect. What did the boy know? Enough to make it better to tell him? She could not decide. He looked strained and worried, altogether older, but that might be the sunstroke.
"There WAS something," she said. "Of course we were out there, and got no news of anything." She could not take the risk. It was not her secret. Besides, she was in the dark about his feelings now. Before Spain she had made sure he was in love; but boys were boys; that was seven weeks ago, and all Spain between.
She saw that he knew she was putting him off, and added:
"Have you heard anything of Fleur?"
"Yes."
His face told her more than the most elaborate explanations. He had not forgotten!
She said very quietly: "Fleur is awfully attractive, Jon, but you know – Val and I don't really like her very much."
"Why?"
"We think she's got rather a 'having' nature."
"'Having?' I don't know what you mean. She – she – " he pushed his dessert plate away, got up, and went to the window.
Holly, too, got up, and put her arm round his waist.
"Don't be angry, Jon dear. We can't all see people in the same light, can we? I believe each of us only has about one or two people who can see the best that's in us, and bring it out. For you I think it's your mother. I once saw her looking at a letter of yours; it was wonderful to see her face. I think she's the most beautiful woman I ever saw – Age doesn't seem to touch her."
Jon's face softened, then again became tense. He recognised the intention of those words. Everybody was against him and Fleur! It all strengthened her appeal:
"Make sure of me – marry me, Jon!"
Here, where he had passed that wonderful week with her – the tug of her enchantment, the ache in his heart increased with every minute that she was not there to make the room, the garden, the very air magical. Would he ever be able to live down here, not seeing her? And he closed up utterly, going early to bed. It would not make him healthy, wealthy, and wise, but it closeted him with memory of Fleur in her fancy frock. He heard Val's arrival – the Ford discharging cargo, then the stillness of the summer night stole back – with only the bleating of very distant sheep, and a night-jar's harsh purring. He leaned far out. Cold moon – warm air – the Downs like silver! Small wings, a stream bubbling, the rambler roses! God-how empty all of it without her! In the Bible it was written: Thou shalt leave father and mother and cleave to – Fleur!
Let him have pluck, and go and tell them! They couldn't stop him marrying her – they wouldn't want to stop him when they knew how he felt. Yes! He would go! Bold and open – Fleur was wrong!
The night-jar ceased, the sheep were silent; the only sound in the darkness was the bubbling of the stream. And Jon in his bed slept, freed from the worst of life's evils – indecision.