Nikolay Lakutin
The teacher. A play for 4 people. Comedy
Anna. And I'm not afraid. Let's see who eats who!
Ksyusha. Where does it come from? It's like miracles. I went to bed. Good night.
Ksyusha gets up and is about to leave.
Anna. Good night. And I'll still sit and dream…
Ksyusha. Come on, come on… A dreamer.
Ksyusha leaves. Finally, he stops once more, looks at Anna, transformed beyond recognition, is sincerely surprised and goes to sleep.
Anna takes another sip of coffee, sits, daydreams.
Scene 3
Flat. Weekend. It's late morning.
A sober Victor enters, dragging a "smoke-soaked" Sanka on his back.
Victor. Ding-ding! Is there anyone? He did not ring the doorbell, but took the keys from Alexander. Are you asleep, or is there no one?
A sleepy Ksyusha comes out.
Ksyusha. Hi. They showed up – they didn't get dusty. Yes, we should take the keys from this Alexander, otherwise he walks like to his own home!
Sanek. Uh, with (hiccups)A little box. What do you mean, how to get home? I actually kind of live here… Sometimes.
Ksyusha. That's what it is, sometimes. Do you already know where this otherness of yours is for me? And neither there nor here. (To Victor). Why did you bring him here? He has his own house.
Victor. That's what he said to take it back to where he got it from. I took it here, after all.
Ksyusha. Fair. And why is Sanka in the trash, and you're a cucumber?
Victor. Because I'm not a fan of this business.
Victor puts his finger to his throat, shows a gesture of drinking.
Sanek. And the prof (with a whistle)professional!
Ksyusha. All right, professional. Put this here, my onion grief somewhere.
A sleepy Anna comes out.
Anna. Good morning, everyone!
Ksusha. Yeah.
Victor. Good morning, Anna.
Sanek. Nyuyurochka, you're my girl, hello. Why didn't you come with us? We got so upset with Vitka. There is still no face on it. Look over there. (He points at Victor). There is no face on the person. (To Victor). Where did you put your face? The face-oh! Where are you? Come back, we're looking for you!
Ksyusha (Sanka). Uh! You're an obsequious drunk! Did you get your girl mixed up? I'm going to sober up with a frying pan in one fell swoop!
Sanek. Sorry! The focus got a little upset.
Ksyusha. I'll set it up now!
Anna (to Ksyusha and Sanka). Maybe you can figure it out later? Alone? (To Victor). Let me help you.
Anna runs up to Victor, takes Sanka by the other arm. They drag me to the couch.
Anna. We put it on the sofa. Right here! Right here, yeah. Vo-o-o-t. Great.
Victor. “thanks.
Victor and Anna sit down the Sledge, start to move away, but the Sledge grabs them and pulls them along. Both fall on the sofa to the tipsy merry man.
Sanek hugs Victor and Anna.
Sanek. Guys, I'm the one! How I love you, if you only knew. You're so cool. Really, these are so cool! I really want to kiss you, by God. I'm going to kiss you right now!
Ksyusha. I'm going to kiss you now!
Ksyusha intervenes in the situation, pulls first Anna, then Victor from the couch from the arms of Sanka.
Ksyusha. Sleep it off, drunk! We'll talk later.
Victor. That's all right. The job is done. I made the delivery and returned it safely. I will go.
Anna. Victor, wait. I was going to the store. Let's go out the same door. Can you wait a few minutes?
Victor. Yes, of course. I'm not in a hurry.
Sanek. Guys, I'm with you!
Sanek starts to get up from the sofa, but Ksusha's hard fist, affectionately applied to Sanka's forehead, interrupts his active intentions. He falls on the couch, passes out.
Anna runs away to change clothes.
Ksyusha. Is that how it's different with you guys?
Victor. That's right, there's no other way with us.
Ksyusha. So what's mine? Did you molest the women, I suppose?
Victor. Straight.
Ksyusha. Did they go to him?
Victor. Why then? All adults are accomplished people. Everyone has their own families, husbands, wives.
Ksyusha. That's all, but not all. Here is a clear example. (He points at Sanka). The eternal wanderer. Everyone is on the way, everyone is in search of themselves and who knows who else.
Victor. I understand what you're getting at, but I assure you, everything was decent and dignified at the meeting. By the way, Alexander called you last night. I didn't get through.
Ksyusha. Yes, I saw a missed one this morning. I was asleep, I didn't hear it. And why did you call? Don't you know?
Victor. I wanted to ask permission to stay late. We sat well, talked very well, no one was in a hurry to leave.
Ksyusha. Mmm…
Victor. Don't worry, everything went well.
Ksyusha. I can see that. There lies the worthy one. Straight dignity itself!
Victor. So he's the class leader! Like a true gentleman, and the person responsible for the event took the brunt of it.
Ksyusha. Okay, don't shield him.
Anna returns.
Anna. That's it, I'm ready. Shall we go?
Victor. Let's go.
Victor (to Ksyusha). Happily.
Ksyusha. Bye-bye.
Victor and Anna leave.
Scene 4
Street. It's late morning. Silence. The chirping of birds. Romance.
Victor and Anna are walking with bags, there are groceries in the bags.
Victor keeps a leisurely pace, Anna walks next to him. They are silent, everyone is thinking about their own things.
Victor. Anyut, look, there's a bench. It seems to be clean. Let's sit down, do you mind?
Anna. Let's sit down.
They sit down on a bench. They also put packages on it. Side by side, one to one, in the middle. They sit on the sides of the bench themselves. They're being careful. Everyone wants to say something to each other, but they are shy.
Anna. It's funny, I noticed that you bought almost everything the same as me. Tell me honestly, did you do it on purpose?
Victor. By the way, I also noticed this. There, they even took goods from one company in some positions.
Victor takes identical products from his bag and from Anna's bag.
Anna. So it wasn't on purpose after all?
Victor. No, Anyut, not on purpose. And I was going to go to the store too. I always buy about the same thing. (Puts everything back in the bags). Somehow I have already determined for myself. Not in taste, not in quality. That's how I got used to it. Don't think about it, I'm not too picky, it's just…
Anna. I don't think so. It's all good.
Victor. M..
Pause.
Anna. Walking today? Not by car?
Victor. He didn't get behind the wheel. When you turn the steering wheel every day, you get tired of it, you want some kind of change of scenery. Alexander and I came here by taxi, and back… I was thinking of taking a short walk, then taking public transport. This is a novelty to me.
Anna. I'm sorry for intruding, you probably wanted to be alone. I'm sure I'm tired not only of the steering wheel, but also of the hype that I've been at home for the last 24 hours. Classmates know how to make a ruckus. I will go.
Anna gets up and takes her bag.
Victor. Don't go away, please.
Anna. Are you sure I'm not bothering you?
Victor. Exactly. Moreover, for some reason I feel good with you. It's kind of calm.
Anna does not immediately, but sits down. He worries about something of his own, but keeps quiet.
Victor. Wait, wait, but maybe I'm distracting you?
Anna. Me?
Victor. Well yeah Aren't you in a hurry yourself?
Anna. No, it's a day off.
Victor. I just… You never know. Good.
Anna. No, no, it's okay, don't worry.
Pause.
Victor. My sister called. He says Thomas is acting like silk these days. I don't even know.
Anna. Motivation works!
Victor. Absolutely. Have you talked to this neighbor of yours, Julia, about my nephew yet?
Anna. I'm going to visit them today and talk to them.
Victor. What if she's already busy? Or just won't want to?
Anna. With a foreigner? Won't he want to? Where will it go. I think that as soon as she hears the name Thomas, she will at least be curious. And there it's a small matter. And she doesn't have anyone.
Victor. Well, then… Let's see what happens.
Anna. We'll see.
Pause.
Anna. And…
Victor. What?
Anna. No, I don't think it's worth it.
Victor. Well, what is it?
Anna. I wanted to ask how you came up with the idea of going into business, how you realized yourself in it, but then I thought you'd decide – I'm interested in your income.
Victor. But you're not really interested?
Anna. They are interested, but not primarily.
Victor. And what's the first one?
Anna. A… m… okay, let's talk about income first.
Victor smiles shyly, begins to understand something.
Victor. About income… Come on, about the income, okay. (He remembers with nostalgia). Before becoming successful, I managed to get burned many times. About working for someone – I didn't have such a thought in my head initially. Only for myself. Only their own businesses, their own implementations. But there was no experience and knowledge then. He believed in various slogans about successful projects, bought franchises, joined businesses that were made for only one purpose – to raise money from naive youths. I found investors, started a lot of things, but eventually failed. I found it again, I lost it again. Then, much later, I realized that no one would come into my life to give something, just to take it away. I also realized that you can't earn or win all the money, but it's very easy to lose it. With this understanding, he stopped chasing money, began to study financial literacy, the mechanisms of interaction not only of business, but also of life in general. And slowly something began to work out. It seemed that all the components for a successful honest business began to take shape in front of me in the most favorable way. I did not set a goal to become the richest and most influential. There is no such goal even now, but living comfortably, protected from a financial point of view – in general, it turns out.
Anna. Understood. Yes, it's interesting… Well, then, everything is fine with you, everything is great– fine.
Victor. Not quite.
They exchange glances.
Victor. You know, sometimes it feels like I'm standing at the crossroads of three roads. Do you remember how in the epics. A hero, a stone, inscriptions on it.
Anna. Yes, yes, of course. There are, I remember, several interpretations, in different fairy tales in different ways. I remember this: To go straight – not to be alive, to go to the right – to be married, to go to the left – to be rich.
Victor. Yes. Only the inscriptions on my stone are somewhat different.
Anna. What are they?
Victor. If you go to the left, you'll get in the face. If you go to the right, you'll get a punch in the face. If you go straight, you'll get punched in the face. And don't stand here for a long time, or you'll get in the face right here!
Anna smiles modestly, understands what is being said, nods.
Victor. I'm not complaining, don't think about it. I have success and certain results, but I get punched in the face all the time.
Anna puts her hand on Victor's arm, while it is still more support than a manifestation of feelings.
Anna. I have a feeling that every person meets with such a stone on their way of life. And repeatedly. We get "In the face" stably and systematically, but we still need to go. It's necessary while it's going.
Victor. They should…
be silent. They exchange glances. They think about their own things.
Anna removes her hand. She worries that she did something stupid with this gesture.
Victor. And what about going to the right – to be married? I'm thinking about it… Shall we take this road?
Anna looks at Victor suspiciously.
Anna. And… I'm sorry. I…
bite my lips, get nervous, sigh.
Anna. Let's go through, I mean… You mean together? In the sense that you and me?
Victor is silent, looks attentively at Anna, who continues to be nervous.
Anna. Have you asked me to get married now?
Victor. I think so.
Anna. Uh. (Sighs, exhales heavily). Suddenly.
Victor. I'm shocked myself.
Anna. So think about it. Phew. I was already in a fever. This is a serious question.
Victor. It's too late to think, the word is not a sparrow, it's my own fault, it serves me right. So what do you say?
Anna is nervous, sometimes she looks into Victor's eyes, trying to understand how serious his words are. He thinks for a few seconds.
Anna. But I'll take it, and I'll agree! I say yes!
Victor. Seriously?
Anna. And what?
Victor. Well… Simply… The question is really serious. So with the kondachka…
Anna. The word is not a sparrow. Now I've told you what to do. It's my fault, it serves me right.
They're smiling.
Anna. Are we going to kiss, or what?
Victor looks at Anna with excitement and interest. He is somewhat surprised at both himself and her.
Victor. What? Right here? Right now? In the morning, on the bench?
Anna nods.
Victor. People are walking. I… somehow… I'm a little shy. Someone else will see it. Come on, maybe not now, after all?
Anna. And what's not right now? Can we do it now?
Victor. Why not now?
Anna. Come on now!
Victor. Ah… Well, let's do it now.
Victor shyly looks around so that no one can see them, but Anna takes him by the chin, turns him around to face her and kisses him.
Kissing.
Scene 5
Flat. A weekday. Evening.
Ksyusha comes home from work in a bad mood. Sanek greets her in a housecoat.
Sanek. Hi. How did you work out?
Ksyusha. Oh, what are you doing here? Yes I… Normal. What are you doing hanging out? Why aren't you working? What are you doing here anyway?
Sanek. And where should I hang out, Ksyukh?
Ksyusha. Somewhere… In this… In the very… Have you registered here already?
Sanek. I just got off early today, came to you, wanted to make a surprise, I thought you'd be happy.
Ksyusha. I was pleased. Just made me happy!
Sanek. What's the matter with you, Ksyusha?
Ksyusha freaks out, throws her work bag and the groceries she brought on the floor.
Ksyusha. What's wrong with me? I'm all right. What's the matter with you! Why do I have to explain every time that I don't live here alone. This is not a walk-through house. What are you doing? Are you my husband, so that you can come to my house like this every time? Who are you to me anyway? Did you come to me early from work? Maybe you wanted to catch Anyuta? She's on her first shift today, she should be home! (SCREAMING) Anya? Are you at home?
Sanek. Calm down, she's not here.
Ksyusha. Will I calm down? You calm down.
Sanek grabs Ksusha by the shoulders and shakes her.
Sanek. What's the matter with you? What happened? I mean, are you asking me who I am? What am I? Some kind of lefty dude who comes here in the mood?
Ksyusha. What's wrong?
Sanek. No, it's not like that!
Ksyusha. And how?
Sanek. I generally considered myself your common-law husband, but it seems that I was the only one who thought so.
Ksyusha. A civilian… Civilian is what is, what is not. You didn't propose to me, not even to a civilian. None at all. And it looks like you're not going to.
Sanek. What kind of people are you women? What does this stamp in the passport fundamentally change?
Ksyusha. It changes everything!
Sanek. What exactly is it? Will you love me more? Or less? Do you even love me?
Ksyusha. If you make an offer, then you'll find out. As it is, we don't even have a civil marriage, but a guest marriage. It doesn't suit me. I'm not a girl from the street to come to me for a poke-poke. I need a husband! The real one! The real one, you know? Not temporary, not civilian, not anything else. An ordinary, normal legitimate husband! From whom I will give birth to children, with whom I will go through life hand in hand, in whom I will be sure!
Sanek. If you want a stamp, please, at least now! A couple of minutes, I'll just change my clothes and go straight to the registry office to apply.
Sanek runs to change clothes, but Ksyusha stops him.
Ksyusha. I don't need any handouts! So that you can live your whole life and know that I begged you for this marriage, forced you! I married myself! You'll think so yourself, it won't end well.
Sanek. Grab your purse! It's so bad, and so bad. Make up your mind! What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?
Ksyusha. Take your battery from the balcony and get the hell back to your mother!
Sanek. I would have said right away that it was over between us! It wasn't necessary to arrange this whole circus.
Sanek runs away to change clothes, get ready. He's shouting from the other room.
The cry of Sanka. Have you stopped loving me? Did you meet someone else? Yes, you're welcome. I won't get upset. I'll find another one for myself, some kind of Ksyukha, who won't take out my brain because of I don't understand what kind of nonsense. What a figure for me! Look, that's not it for her, and that's not it. Well, I'm sorry, not a billionaire. I don't move banks, I don't have a villa. A mere mortal. From the bright, earthly ones. I can't offer you anything special. I see, why the hell did you give up on me like that. Obviously, I found a more interesting option!
