Vadim Garbuzov
Thoughts of a dancer
You can see couples today looking very much like Killick or Tornsberg, not so much like Jukka Haapalainen. Jukka was usually placed in front of the 2 above mentioned dancers. He won Blackpool 4 times. It is the most prestigious title in the world. Was he never understood? I by no means want to say that he didn’t deserve his placing; he’s a very special dancer. Jukka Haapalainen and Sirpa Suutari were top class Pro competitors that won because they produced performances that were good enough to win. Does that mean that being a champion is not enough to spiritually be present in the minds and hearts of all young dancers? To be an inspiration to all of them? I truly have no idea.
Vadim Garbuzov, 1st February 2006
Glen Brennen:
Dear Boris, please, pass on to Vadim. The answers are simple and clear. There is no right and wrong just what is right for you, and what you feel. Follow your heart always. Believe in yourself. It is the truth. Regards Glen.
Olga Divakova:
Dear Boris, Vadim,
Thank you for sending me the thoughts of Vadim. I had the chance to explore Vadim’s mind as well as my own as a result. wow… I am speechless. It is a very thoughtful work. I have written a response to Vadim’s writing and would like to share it with you as well, as I am fond of deep thinking and sharing it!
Vadim has a mind of activity and analysis, where simple material and surface experience do not satisfy his hunger for a fulfilling inner life.
The realization that external events are not necessarily followed by inner reactions prompt us to question their importance and value. For the most part, I have come in contact with a shallower type of person than Vadim, who doesn’t see past what is laid out in front of him; especially in the dance world. And this to me was always discouraging and spiritually draining. Vadim’s questioning essay almost brought me to tears, as I was able to relate almost 100 %. I never knew Vadim had such concerns about dance and life… and to read them so clear in front of me was a pleasure. It made me realize that my attitude wasn’t as uncommon or as negative as I thought it was. I have been questioning deeply my path and the reason I continue to dance, despite the desire and opportunity to pursue other goal(s). And like Vadim, I too imagined at first that climbing to a high level or even becoming a champion of dance would be grand and satisfying. I soon realized this is not the case. Champions come and go like whispers and are not leading the glamorous lives we once perceived they’d have a right to. Even Hazel Newberry, for many years a world champion seemed instantly forgotten once she discontinued to dance. Discouraging? Perhaps it is at first. But when we inquire further, we come to realize that this is quite the same no matter what great achievements one desires to achieve, be they in academics, sports, whatever. If one aims for the external impact or the «promised» happiness of attaining a certain goal, one can be greatly disappointed. I have experienced this many times. I have always sought after some great goal or another and I still do. I seem to believe that with the achievement of the goal, my emptiness and doubts will be fulfilled. It is not the goal, however, that I am looking for. It is an inner stability, peace and satisfaction that come with self-acceptance that I so vainly seek. I have now learned that only from the inside, can I ever start to achieve my ultimate goal of inner strength. And so, I come to wonder «Why then, am I spending so much energy and life on getting recognition and admiration from the dance community, when all I truly wish for is a healthy sense of self?»
The illusion that we can be accepting of ourselves once we are accepted by those we look up to, can be a mission similar to that of chasing a shadow. You will not please everyone, and at the end of the day you are left with only yourself to answer to. If you ignore yourself and attempt to become what you think others will be pleased with, you are guaranteed to fall apart. You are the only one you should please. There is no satisfaction in other people regarding you as «great». Maybe at first it is thrilling, but it is a cheap thrill which doesn’t last and leaves you craving more. Becoming world champion may be an end result of a goal to express through the body and music. A love of life may lead to a love of dance, and a love of dance can propel one to become dedicated and persistent. This form of expression can be addictive, and we are endlessly curious how far we can push ourselves to improve or discover «how high we can fly». Also, there is magic that sparks in the relationship between partner and partner, you & the audience and you & yourself. The by-product is inspiration to others and our own susceptibility to inspiration from others. This inspiration is motivation is thus self-fulfilling, and the dance becomes our vision, rather than 30 seconds on a podium. Once there, those 30 seconds can be a moment to look back at your spiritual journey as a dancer/artist, and you are emotionally involved in the (final) magical moment, where audience, panel, self and partner share in the joy of life and the gifts we are given each day (like the opportunity to dance).
This is what I see as a goal. It is the same physical act of winning we described earlier, but the impact of the event on our inner selves is more than satisfying. It is beyond mere satisfaction. The first place no longer matters. Satisfaction becomes a lifestyle, and anything else that appears is simply a part of a special experience in itself. So, who cares whether or not young and old dancers alike talk about us with admiration and jealousy. We are whole, and not with hungry souls. That is what matters. There is no one in the world that can watch a performance of such magic and not be enthralled and moved by it too. Like I said, there are many champions who come and go. It is not the mark that makes the dancer. It is the energy of the mind, and the cultivation of that mysterious, delicate, rare, but truly inbred zeal for love and life each one of us carries.
Vadim Garbuzov
Practice community
Practice in an environment of striving dancers is very important. Actually, to my view training in the presence of any dancers can be helpful. Most people act differently when others are around. It’s a natural human reflex to look good in front of others, which means: the arguments will be calmer, clothes and general appearance neater and of course the dancing of hopefully better quality. It’s necessary to be involved with the dance community one way or another if you are a dancer. Whether the community is social, competitive or crazy it is still better than being constantly alone on a dance floor.
Of course, it is good to have some time alone because sometimes we as human beings can discover more possibilities in ourselves when the atmosphere is more relaxed and no one is watching. There is a saying: «dance like no one is watching». The time alone I feel might also have more productivity when the individual knows that he can later demonstrate it in some community.
For some even receiving recognition from one person is important and the person can be a mother, not a dancer. There are people who went through their career with great motivation just to prove something to one person who was absolutely not noticed by the community but for some reason mattered to the particular individual. There can be different reactions of different people to the practice environments.
I’m just trying to point out that the stimulation to do something (dance) is in some way connected to the community. The ones who like to practice in a community of lower quality dancers than they are just like to feel comfortable being the way they are and be appreciated without the extra sweat to go farther. Surely everyone likes to be considered good, and in some way admired by others, but there must be a time when they should move higher and submerge themselves into stronger environments. It will not be easy to know that you are not the best in this community, but it is actually the most to my view successful way to improve quickly. One needs to have a will to disconnect with the past happy community that was comfortable although was acting like quite a strong hold back against developing into something higher.
A car manufacturer should be in the circle of other car companies, not the furniture industry. A food company should probably be in contact with the nutritional industry, not the oil industry. It’s already better for a car manufacturer to be closer to something more like the motorboat industry, there’s already something to talk about and more common things to exchange opinions about. The point is that the closer you come to people that have the same interests the better. You will stimulate each other, and in the end feel more at home and in the right place.
The problem of being too far away from the dance community can be on a continental level, like Africa. On a regional level like Northern Territories in Canada. It can be on a local level that my studio is a bit far from where others are practicing. The one who strives to get better must find ways of getting closer to others who are moving in a similar direction as he is, even though they are direct and fierce competition. Toyota would not be the same as it is today if there were no Volkswagen, Honda and General Motors.
Vadim Garbuzov, 8 February 2006