Анна Карат
Learn to love. 30 tips how to live
Don’t hesitate to spend your time on developing eloquence. Good speech is the main sign of a free mind. You are willing to spend time and money on the beauty of your body. Why not spend time and money on communication skills?
Quality conversations are stronger than any drug. There is no cure or antidote. They become rooted in a man’s heart. Why don’t all people have conversational orgasms? The reason for that is that there should be special conditions for these conversations to exist. The first condition: there only should be a man and a woman talking. Nobody can be listening to them. The second condition: people who are talking should be in love with each other. The third condition: all ideas during the conversation are accepted. No interruptions allowed. Your subconscious gives you the best decisions. And your subconscious lives not in your mind, but on your tongue. So you should share any ideas you have and you shouldn’t be criticized for that. The fourth condition: a man and a woman are completely relaxed, there is no control over their words. The conversation should be open. There should be no secrets from each other.
Hiding something is the biggest obstacle for the majority of couples. If one of the partners has a lover on the side, it is a secret of course. So a conversational orgasm cannot happen. If a man has a lover, he is tense. As a result, his subconscious is not going to come out. Reaching a conversational orgasm is the peak of your femininity. In a conversation like that a man is very happy. He enjoys it with his eyes, ears and heart. You can be certain that he will not forget you. You will be his strongest drug. Now you have the initiative. You determine whether he is catching up with you or maybe he is far behind. Femininity is your nature. It’s what differs you from a man. Nature has given you this skill to bring joy without much effort. Men simply can’t do it as easily. If you have forgotten your natural gift, it is never too late to try and remember.
Question 7. What can we talk to men about?
I got divorced a while ago. After being on maternity leave I literally became stupid. It is shameful to admit this, but I can’t support conversations on different topics with different people. I understand that the question that I am about to ask is strange and silly. My ex-husband persuaded me that I am boring and uninteresting to talk to. So how should I start a conversation? How can I become interesting for other people, especially men? How can I support a conversation? I just don’t know where to start! What can I talk with other people about? I understand that I can talk with people about themselves, but I do it in such an awkward and clumsy way. How do I build up this experience?
Answer. Jennifer, your ex-husband used to tell you that you were boring? You did the right thing when you divorced him! Very soon you will see that you are a quite interesting interlocutor. This is the first thing you could say to a man: «I am very interested in your opinion about this one particular problem.» You can add flattering (but true) words explaining why you need expertise of this very man. «I’ve heard of you as a very sensible man», «I’ve read your article», «You’ve helped me not even knowing about it», etc. When you use words like this, the other person will become interested in you right away. More than that, he will be listening to you with affection.
After that you can tell him what is really important for you. Then your eyes will be glowing and you will be radiating this positive energy. At the end of your story you should repeat again that you want to know his opinion. Don’t forget that a man will value not your words, not the price of your clothing or jewelry but your energy. So you can talk to him about small things but with passion.
Question 8. I am afraid of men
I am afraid of men. I am lost when I talk to them. What can you advise?
Answer. Any fear is scared of the one who can face it. And here is a specific piece of advice: be the first one to start a conversation with men every day. Soon you will understand that they are harmless, they don’t bite – they simply buzz around.
Confidence is the sexiest quality of a man (by the way, the same applies to a woman). Nature tells him to pass the best genes to his offspring. That is why women instinctively choose the best ones. How do you determine that he is the best one? It is especially difficult to do from the first sight. Yes, you look at how tall, handsome and rich he is. Yet the main all-encompassing sign is how confident he is.
If a man acts with confidence, you start thinking that he knows something about himself that you don’t know. It means that many other successful people already highly appreciate him.
Question 9. I can’t start talking to men I don’t know
I can’t start talking to men I don’t know. I have already learnt how to smile at them, but I still can’t talk. I probably feel good only when I am alone. When I leave this comfort zone, I subconsciously want to get back in.
Answer. It is important to understand what you actually want. If you want to be alone (why not by the way!), then why would you even need men to talk to? If you understand that you can’t be happy without a man, then I recommend to practice talking every day. You start with some insignificant and simple topics. At first, you talk to men you know well. Then you talk to men you know just a little bit. And finally you talk to men you don’t know at all.
Question 10. Men run away from me. What should I do?
I am forty years old and I am divorced. Men I gave my affection and sexuality to could talk about me with excitement. And then they would go do their things and ask me to understand that they were busy. I ended up in the position of a woman who had to chase men. After an attempt to meet and having «no» as the answer, I usually stop caring about guys like that. Unfortunately, the situation repeats. It means that the problem is not in those guys, the problem is in me.
I must be doing something wrong if the amazing sex with me doesn’t make them put aside things they need to do. On the contrary, they expect me to understand them and be patient. However, I want to be the main event in the life of a man who «had a great time» with me last night.
Answer. Look at yourself through a man’s eyes. This is how he sees it: «She is forty and divorced. It means that she wants to get married again. But I don’t want to get married! She is good in bed. It means that she is trying hard to find a husband. But I don’t want to get married! She is acting like this and it is clear that she is chasing me. It means that I need to run away!» If there is a «chaser», there is also a «chase». More than that, a male is instinctively afraid of a woman who is chasing him, because it is not inherent in a woman. To make matters worse, your pursuit is likely to be noticeable in your voice, gestures and intonation. That is why he is politely asking you to show understanding and wait. In the meanwhile, he is running away. What can a man be thinking if he delicately said «goodbye», but a woman is still insisting on a new date? He is even more scared now. So he is giving a clear and straightforward rejection this time. You are writing: «I want to be the main event in a life of a man who «had a great time» with me last night.» This is what I am adding to this – it will be great when a man not only remembers the previous night spent with you but also wants to meets again and stay with you. I know how to achieve this. I know how to make you a «chase». And a «chaser» will come into the picture, not right away maybe but he will. When you are simply infatuated with somebody, you still think about yourself mostly. It’s like a game or a competition. When you really love somebody, your think about the person you love and you wish him (or her) the best in life. There is no competition here.
Question 11. When should say “I love you”?
Should I tell him that I love him? I mean after he has confessed his love, of course. I’ve heard this idea that a woman who has confessed her love is like an open book or a puzzle that has been solved. I am not sure that I agree with this. If a woman is interesting, if she is changing, if she is fun, then how can we talk about this well of energy having a bottom when it is only opened? Wouldn’t it be more natural to be sincere in this case instead of flirting trying to avoid conversations about love?
Answer. You shouldn’t be the first one to tell him that you love him. This is a general rule that has exceptions for exceptional people. An exceptional woman can do anything she wants. But your question is different. You want to know whether you should tell him about your feelings after he has told you about his. Of course, in this case you should tell him. Why would you pretend? We are always for sincerity. The thing that can ruin everything though, is when your actions or words imply that you cannot live without him. In my opinion, after that a person becomes boring. More than that, behaving like that you make your partner responsible for your own happiness. It is unfair and immature.
Even then you shouldn’t pretend. In this situation you should start worrying. If you want to tell somebody that you can’t live without them, it is a sign that you either haven’t found yourself yet or you have already lost yourself. And if you don’t really exist, then who would need you?
Chapter 4. How to become the most needed woman for a man?
A man should associate a woman with wonderful emotions. It is a woman’s goal to make it happen. If she achieves this, a man will want to be with her more than anything in the world. What should be done? A woman should know what a man likes. Some women might think that men’s interests are not for them at all. If a woman is growing emotionally, she will always know how to lead any subject to thoughts about her. If a woman does something nice and unexpected, it will cause a man’s curiosity. «Interesting» is the main word in a relationship. Relationships start with this word and end with it. To be precise, they don’t end with it actually. On the contrary, they last for many years.
In the beginning of a relationship a guy doesn’t even think about how long this relationship might last. Although we should take into account that the majority of men do want to have a serious relationship. A normal woman always wants to have a serious relationship. However, if in the very beginning she delivers an ultimatum (a serious relationship or none), she will ruin this relationship. A smart woman at first will make a man feel good and then very good. Only after that she will make him decide whether they will have a serious relationship or they won’t have one at all. It is a good thing when you share your partner’s interests. I remember this one man who I used to be interested in. I wanted to understand his interests. He was a football fan. I knew nothing about football. Yet I told him with glowing eyes that I wouldn’t mind going to the stadium to watch a game. That poor guy was chasing me for a week trying to find out about my football preferences. In the meanwhile, I was reading sports newspapers. At the end of that chase, he, being completely intrigued, saw that I put a pin with his favorite team’s logo on my T-shirt. So he exhaled with relief: «I am with you… Anywhere you go. Do you want to go get married now?» Every man wants other people to talk to him about him. All of his ups – joy and happiness from creative and business victories – should happen in your presence and with your participation. It will give you more things to talk about.
One more piece of advice – disappear! From time to time you need to disappear. If you can’t do it physically, then you should do it emotionally. For example, you could become inattentive or you could be in a hurry to go somewhere without discussing news that is important for him. It means that you deprive your man from the main rush – your emotional presence in his life. Stay in this strategic position until he realizes how difficult it is for him without you. If after that he still doesn’t admit that you are in a special place in his life, then stop wasting your time and energy on him. He is busy. However, he can show up after some time and ask you out again. I would call a man like that a mirage. He can disappear at any moment for as long as several months. Then he can reappear as if nothing happened.
If you want to achieve this special happiness – to not be an abandoned «I» but to be an unbreakable «We», you should be a very special woman who radiates bioenergy. You also should find a very special man who will not suck this energy out of you but make it stronger. It is important to show him that you love him just because, like a human being. A noble man looks for a noble woman, doesn’t he? Thus, it is important for a couple to have comparable levels of nobleness and generosity.
How to become the only one for him?
1.Show compassion and help him.
If you like him, be interested in his work. Don’t do it obtrusively but do it constantly. Offer him solutions to his problems. Don’t give him direct advice though. Gradually you will become someone he wants to talk to. Eventually you will become a close friend, because you can not only empathize with but also help him.
2. Watch how he appreciates your effort.
If he doesn’t appreciate it at all (neither with how he looks at you, nor with how he talks to you), then he is too far behind you. Just think – maybe you should walk away and let him mature. If he does appreciate what you have been doing, then you can continue.
3. Create more optimism inside of you.
Any man wants to see and hear a happy woman every day. Even if a woman is unquestionably beautiful but is rather pessimistic, she will not be content in a relationship with a man. The first sign of a pessimist is that she can be bored. A cheery woman always has a reason to see something good. She can turn every day into a little celebration for herself.
4. Don’t limit yourself only to women’s interests.
Learn more about different spheres. Does he like fishing? Why not to find out which spinning rod he prefers? The fewer women who understand anything about a man’s hobby, the more attractive the one who understands it gets.
5. People become close to each other when they do something together.
You are going to laugh, but one of the biggest pleasures is food! That is why you should try to cook together as often as possible. Ready to eat food that you can buy in a store doesn’t count. Real pleasure is in food that you have prepared yourself.
